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UNlVERSin  §?  eAL 
RIVIRIIDE 


Bachelor's  Romance 


AMtJEL  FRENCH,  28-30  West  38tfc  St.,  N«w  York 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

AN 

ORIGINAL  PLAY 

IN 

FOUR  ACTS 

BY 

MARTHA  MORTON 


COPYRIGHT,  1912,  BY  MARTHA  MORTON  COAHEIM 


CAUTION.  —  All  persons  are  hereby  warned  that  "A  Bachelor's 
Romance"  being  fully  protected  under  the  copyright  laws  of  the 
United  States,  is  subject  to  royalty,  and  anyone  presenting  the  play 
without  the  consent  of  the  author  or  her  authorized  agent,  will  be 
liable  to  the  penalties  by  law  provided.  We  will  be  pleased  to 
quote  royalty  for  amateur  production  on  application. 


NEW  YORK 
SAMUEL  FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

28-30  WEST  38TH  STREET 


LONDON 

SAMUEL  FRENCH,  LTD. 

26  SOUTHAMPTON  STREET 

STRAND 


! 

1    S  2  S  2. 
A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

Produced  by  Mr.  Sol  Smith  Russell;  September  16,  1896 

ORIGINAL    CAST 

DAVID  HOLMES— Literary  Critic  on  The  Review. 

Sol  Smith  Russell. 

GERALD  HOLMES— His  brother— pleasure-loving 
— a  man  of  the  world.  Arthur  Forrest. 

MARTIX  BEGGS— David's  secretary  and  confiden- 
tial man.  George  Denham. 

HAROLD  REYNOLDS— On  the  staff  of  The  Re- 
riew.  Sidney  Booth. 

MR.  MULBERRY— A  literary  man,  with  a  classical 
education — which  he  cannot  turn  into  money. 

Alfred  Hudson. 

"SAVAGE"— A  modern  literary  man. 

Charles  Maclcay. 
MISS    CLEMAXTIXA— A   maiden    lady,    with    a 

sharp  tongue.  Mrs.  Fanny  Adison  Pitt. 

HELEX  LE  GRAXD— David's  sister— a  widow  of 

the  world.  Beatrice  Moreland. 

HARRIET  LEICESTER— A  society  girl. 

Nita  Allen. 
SYLVIA  SOMERS— David's  ward. 

Annie  Russell. 
JAMES- 
ACT  I    —David's  Study  in  Washington  Square. 
ACT  II  —Helen's  Fashionable  Home,  Murry  Hill, 

New  York. 

ACT  III— David's  Study.    Same  as  Act  I. 
ACT  IV — Miss  Clementina's  Home  in  the  Country. 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

ACT  I 

SCENE. — DAVID  HOLMES'  apartments  in  the  cupola 
of  a  studio  building,  Washington  Square. 
Old  fashioned  and  comfortable.  Entrance  L  1 
from  exterior — entrance  R  1  into  adjoining 
room — also  little  winding  stair  into  cupola — 
leading  out  on  balcony — view  through  window 
over  tops  of  houses.  Spring  sky — ledges  of 
roofs. 

DISCOVEBED. — MARTIN  at  his  desk  L — sorting 
papers,  filing  them  away,  etc.  A  knock  at  door. 

MR.  MULBERRY  puts  in  his  head  L.  2. 

MR.  MULBERRY,  (about  50,  very  worn  and  tired — 
shrunk  up — hopeless  kind  of  manner.  Very  shabby 
and  greasy  clothes.  Holds  door  half  open,  poking 
his  head  in — looking  around  anxiously  with  a  soft, 
tired  voice)  Is  Mr.  Holmes  in? 

MARTIN,  (without  looking  up)  Not  yet,  Mr.  Mul- 
berry; he's  been  detained  later  than  usual  at  the 
office. 

MULBERRY.     Something  important,  Martin? 

MARTIN,  (non-commital)  A  consultation  with  the 
proprietor — 

MULBERRY,  (slides  into  room,  pauses,  up  c.,  looks 
anxiously  at  MARTIN,  who  seems  engrossed  in  his 
work.  Creeps  to  fireplace,  up  L.,  sits  down  in  a 
capacious  armchair  in  front  of  it,  and  with  a  sigh 
of  satisfaction,  warms  his  hands — pauses)  Martin, 


have  you  a  copy  of  this  week's  Eeview  ?  I  don't  like 
to  miss  Mr.  Holmes's  fine  scholarly  editorials. 

MARTIN.  (L.  pointing  to  desk,  R)  Last  week's  in 
there — this  week's  coming  out  this  afternoon. 

MULBERRY,  (rumaging  among  papers  on  table,  R. 
and  taking  the  Review  sits  down  R.  cuts  paper)  A 
very  reliable  solid  paper,  this — the  only  literary 
sheet  worth  reading. 

MARTIN.  Thanks  to  Mr.  Holmes,  who  made  it 
what  it  is. 

MULBERRY.  (R.)  Now  what  other  paper  could 
afford  to  offer  ten  thousand  dollars  for  the  best  prize 
story?  What  do  you  think  of  it,  Martin? 

MARTIN.  (L.)  I'm  opposed  to  competition  in 
general — and  literary  competition  in  particular. 

MULBERRY.  (R.)  I  never  had  the  nerve  to  com- 
pete with  anybody.  I  started  out,  hampered  by  a 
classical  education.  I  soon  found  out  publishers  did 
not  care  for  Homer  as  much  as  I  did.  Nobody 
wants  essays  or  critical  reviews  —  except  on  new 
books,  and  there's  nothing  in  new  books,  (sighs 
and  shakes  his  head)  I'm  trying  for  that  ten  thous- 
sand  dollars. 

MARTIN.     (L.  looking  up)    Are  you? 

MULBERRY.  (R.)  Yes — the  scene  of  my  story  is 
laid  in  Olympia — it's  a  romance  of  the  Grecian 
gods — 

MARTIN.  (L.  thawing  out  a  little)  Confidence 
for  confidence — I  am  trying  for  it  too,  Mr.  Mulberry. 
I'm  a  realist — I've  written  a  character  sketch,  taken 
from  life. 

MULBERRY.     That   must  be    a   very   unpleasant 

story.     My  experience  teaches  me  anything  taken 

from  life  is  very  disagreeable. 

(A  brisk  double  knock  at  the  door.     MR.  SAVAGE 

enters  quickly,  E.,  a  man  about  25 — very  quick 

and  active — Bohemian  in  appearance,  xes  to  c.) 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  5 

SAVAGE,  (c.,  in  light  bantering  tones  to  MUL- 
BERRY) Ah ! — Hail  to  you — "Wise  man  of  Greece."  ' 

MULBERKY.  (seated  at  fire-place)  Hail  to  you, 
Phoebus  Apollo. 

SAVAGE,  (c.  to  MARTIN)  I  ran  in  to  congratu- 
late Mr.  Holmes.  He  deserves  it. 

MARTIN.     (L.)     Deserves  what? 

SAVAGE.  You  have  evidently  not  seen  this  week's 
Keview.  (takes  it  with  a  number  of  other  papers 
out  of  his  pocket — reads)  "Mr.  David  Holmes,  the 
literary  critic  and  the  author  of  many  popular  books 
of  travel,  has  been  selected  to  decide  who  shall  be 
the  winner  of  the  ten  thousand  dollar  prize  offered 
by  the  Eeview  for  the  best  serial  story. 

MARTIN  and  MULBERRY.     Ah! — Ah! — 

SAVAGE,  (with  an  important  air)  I  am  trying 
for  the  ten  thousand  dollar  prize. 

MARTIN.  (MARTIN  and  MULBERRY  exchange 
looks)  And  what  may  your  story  be  about,  Mr. 
Savage  ? 

SAVAGE.  My  same  old  hobby  —  Naturalism  —  I 
lash  the  over-extravagance  and  luxuriousness  of  the 
age — I  show  a  society  of  fin  de  siecle — ladies  and 
gentlemen — giving  up  their  luxurious  homes  and 
going  back  to  nature — I  show  them  working  side  by 
side — barefooted  in  the  fields — barefooted — mind 
you — producing  what  they  consume — I  show  a  grad- 
ual revival  of  the  natural  faculties — they  love,  hate, 
laugh,  weep,  marry  and  have  large  families  like 
common  peasants — I  am  sounding  the  note  of  warn- 
ing in  the  ears  of  the  rich — It's  a  great  satisfaction 
to  a  poor  devil  without  a  penny  in  his  pocket. 

MARTIN.  You're  a  crank,  Savage,  (exit  L.) 
(MULBERRY  rise,  with  newspaper,  xes  up — and  sits  on 
ladder  c — leading  to  roof) 

SAVAGE.     Oh! — very  well — everyone  to  his  con- 


6  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

viction — and  the  best  man  wins.  (Sit  down  L.  of  R. 
desk,  takes  up  book;  MULBERRY,  nose  in  paper. 
Door  opens  quietly,  and  MR.  DAVID  HOLMES  enters 
L.  x.  to  desk  R.,  a  man  of  about  forty — looks  older. 
Hair  streaked  with  grey — rather  careless  in  attire — 
arm  full  of  looks  and  papers,  and  umbrella.  A 
type  of  a  hard-working  journalist.  DAVID  puts  a 
small  bag  full  of  papers  and  books  carefully  on  desk, 
•then  takes  a  package  of  MS  out  of  pocket,  and  puts 
them  on  desk.) 

DAVID.  Good  evening,  (absentmindedly  drops  coat, 
hat  and  umbrella.  Takes  book  out  of  his  pocket — 
opens  it — stands  at  table — he  becomes  absorbed  in  it.) 

MULBERRY,     (on  the  steps  c)    It's  a  great  honor — 

DAVID.  What's  a  great  honor?  (points  to  paper 
in  his  hands)  Oh !  you  mean — well  it  may  be  a  great 
honor,  but  don't  congratulate  me  until  I  have  ac- 
quitted myself  creditably.  It's  a  heavy  responsibil- 
ity. I  wish  they  had  given  it  to  somebody  else. 
(puts  on  old  frayed-out  working  jacket,  very  much 
the  worse  for  wear,  and  ink  stains  all  over  it — which 
hangs  back  of  chair.  Puts  his  hands  on  package) 
Here  they  are — twenty  of  them,  selected  from  the 
hundreds  sent  in.  (They  all  look  eagerly  at  the 
package,  from  which  he  takes  off  paper  and  string. 
Puts  them  in  drawer  and  locks  it.  Then  sits  down 
at  his  desk)  Want  something  to  do,  Mr.  Savage? 

SAVAGE.     Badly  as  usual — Mr.  Holmes. 

DAVID,  (giving  him  a  number  of  books)  Review 
these  will  you?  I  want  them  done  at  once — there's 
a  desk  in  the  other  room. 

SAVAGE,  (rise,  gratefully)  Oh,  thank  you,  Mr. 
Holmes.  (Go  to  door  R.  stops — DAVID  sits  down  to 
desk,  puts  on  spectacles,  takes  up  pen,  spreads  paper 
in  front  of  him) — (by  E.  door)  No  signature,  of 
course  ? 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  7 

DAYID.  No — it  will  be  printed  under  general  crit- 
icism. 

SAVAGE,  (to  DAVID,  confidentially)  Mr.  Holmes 
— I  have  a  story  in  the  competition. 

DAVID.  (Int.  Indignantly.)  Savage!  That's  not 
right.  I  don't  want  to  know  who's  got  a  story  in 
the  competition.  I  want  to  judge  this  matter  from 
an  impartial  standpoint.  Get  out — 

(SAVAGE  exits  quickly  R.  2.) 

DAVID.     What  can  I  do  for  you  Mulberry? 

MULBERRY,  (embarrassed)  I  wanted  to  ask  you 
what  I  ought  to  get  for  an  old  copy  of  Plato's  Re- 
public—  (hands  l)oolc)  rare  binding — genuine — 

DAVID,  (tales  it  out  of  Ms  hand,  runs  through 
it  and  examines  it  as  a  connoisseur)  Will  ten  dol- 
lars buy  it?  (puts  book  on  desk) 

MULBERRY.     Oh !  Mr.  Holmes. 

(DAVID  puts  his  hand  in  his  pockets,  then  opens 
drawer,  takes  out  a  ten  dollar  bill  and  hands  it 
to  MULBERRY,  who  during  this  had  taken  up 
the  book  and  caressed  it  softly — then  put  it 
down  with  a  sigh) 

MULBERRY.    Thank  you,  Mr.  Holmes. 
DAVID.     Don't  speak  of  it.     If  I  go  on,  I'll  own 
your  entire  library. 

(Exit  MULBERRY  L.  2.  E.) 

(MARTIN  re-enters  L.  with  tray,  sets  it  on  DAVID'S 
desk.) 

MARTIN,  (stands  above  desk  R.)  Your  supper, 
sir.  (DAVID  looks  over  tray) 

DAVID.  Thank  you,  Martin,  (goes  on  writing, 
forgets  all  about  supper) 

MARTIN,  (to  him,  quietly — speaks  at  his  elbow) 
A  letter,  sir.  It's  been  lying  on  your  desk  for  two 
days,  read  it  sir — 


8  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

DAVID.    Read  it  yourself. 

(READY  WHISTLE) 

MARTIN.  I  have  sir — but  I  think  you'd  better 
glance  over  it.  (at  his  elbow)  It's  from  Miss 
Clemantina,  sir. 

DAVID,  (writing)  Is  it? — What  does  she  say? 
She  received  her  allowance  and  the  birthday  present 
for  the  child? 

MARTIN.  (L.  of  desk  R.)  Yes,  sir — but  Miss 
Clemantina  is  very  angry  with  you  for  keeping  away 
so  long — she  wants  to  see  you  about  Miss  Sylvia — 

DAVID,  (dropping  pen)  Why  can  she  want  to 
see  me  about  Sylvia? 

MARTIN.  As  the  child's  father  left  her  to  you, 
sir,  perhaps  Miss  Clem  thinks  you  ought  to  have  a 
hand  in  her  bringing  up — 

DAVID.  Don't  be  a  fool,  Martin — what  can  I  do 
in  the  bringing  up  of  a  child.  Henry  Somers  was  as 
dear  to  me  as  my  own  brother,  but  to  die  and  leave 
me  a  baby — a  girl  baby  to  look  after — it — it  wasn't 
kind  of  him  to  serve  me  like  that. 

MARTIN.  I  suggested  Miss  Clemantina  taking 
the  child,  because  she  was  an  old  family  stand-by — 
when  I  was  a  bookkeeper  in  your  father's  store,  she 
used  to  come  down — flounce  about  and  turn  my 
head  for  the  day.  (sighs)  It's  twenty  odd  years 
ago,  Mr.  David,  since  you  said  to  your  father  "I'm 
sick  of  trafficking  in  money — and  you  put  on  your 
hat  and  walked  out  of  the  place,  and  I  followed  you. 

DAVID,  (laying  his  hand  on  MARTIN'S  arm) 
You've  been  a  faithful  friend  to  me,  Martin,  and 
the  very  best  thing  you  ever  did  for  me  was  getting 
Miss  Clemantina  to  take  charge  of  the  child.  I've 
tried  to  do  my  duty,  but  I  can't  get  over  to  see 
her — I  haven't  time.  I'll  go  next  Sunday — remind 
me,  Martin,  will  you? 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  9 

MARTIN.  (L.  of  DAVID'S  desk)  I've  reminded 
you  every  Sunday — sir — for  the  last  ten  years. 

DAVID,  (uneasily)  Don't  forget  this  Sunday — 
Martin,  and  if  I  can't  make  the  time  keep  on  at 
me,  until  I  do. 

MARTIN,     (go  to  desk  L. — sit  down)    Yes,  sir. 

DAVID,  (takes  cup  of  tea — a  whistle  through  the 
tube — DAVID  starts)  Martin,  I  told  you  to  stuff  that 
tube  with  something — 

MARTIN,  (at  tube  L.)  (rising,  goes  to  tube  L) 
I  did,  sir.  But  they  blow  the  wad  out  every  time. 
The  person's  coming  upstairs — it's  a  young  person 
by  the  light  step — 

DAVID.     Another  author  who  is  trying  for  the 
prize?    I  can't  see  him — I'm  engaged. 
MARTIN.    I'll  lock  the  door. 
DAVID.     Wait   Martin — it   might   be   some   poor 
devil — I  could  help.     But  I  won't  talk  prize  story 
to  him — I'll  draw  the  line  there. 
(MARTIN  down  to  his  desk,  sits  L.  c.    DAVID  at  his 
desk  R. — pause — a  timid  knock — L.     The  door 
L.  is  pushed  timidly  open,  and  SYLVIA  stands  at 
the  threshold,  a  very  quaint,  little  figure  of  a 
country  girl,  dressed  in  an  old-fashioned  but 
picturesque  way.) 

SYLVIA.  (L.,  stands  at  entrance,  watching  the 
two  men,  who  sit  at  their  desks  with  hands  over 
their  work,  aside)  (goes  to  MARTIN)  Good  eve- 
ning, Mr.  Holmes.  (MARTIN  looks  up,  makes  a  mo- 
tion towards  DAVID)  (aside)  Oh ! —  (crosses  to  DAV- 
ID'S desk  R.)  Good  evening.  (DAVID  falls  back  in 
astonishment) 

SYLVIA.    I'm  an  author. 
DAVID.    YOU— 


10  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

SYLVIA.  Yes,  I'm  trying  for  the  ten  thousand 
dollar  prize — my  name  is — 

DAVID,  (interrupting)  Please — I  don't  want  to 
know  your  name!  It  might  prejudice  me  against 
your  story. 

(Begin  to  work  lights  down  slowly.) 

SYLVIA.     (L.  c.)     But  I  wanted  to  explain — 

DAVID.  (R.  Int.)  I — I'd  rather  you  wouldn't 
— you  can't  explain  to  the  reading  public — 

SYLVIA,  (with  a  groan  of  disappointment)  I — 
I — thought  you  were  a  kind  man — but  I  see  you 
don't  take  any  interest,  (looks  about  nervously) 
And — I've  come  such  a  long  way — I'm  so  tired —  (as 
if  ready  to  cry) 

DAVID,  (she  sits  on  sofa  c.)  I  didn't  mean  to  be 
unkind,  but  it  seems  so  preposterous — a  young  imma- 
ture thing  like  you  to  invent  anything  in  the  way  of 
fiction. 

SYLVIA,  (c.)  I  haven't  invented  anything.  I 
keep  a  diary — which  I  write  in,  every  night  before 
I  go  to  bed,  I  put  it  all  together,  and  sent  it. 

DAVID,    (becoming  interested)   That's  a  very  good 
idea,  Martin.    An  awakening  soul's  first  impression. 
(MAETIN  grunts  disapprovingly) 

SYLVIA.  My  story's  called  "The  Charity  Child" 
because  I  live  on  the  bounty  of  people,  (pathet- 
ically) My  father  died  and  left  me  in  care  of  a 
gentleman  whom  I  have  never  seen.  I'm  living  with 
a  maiden  lady.  He  pays  my  board.  She's  very  good 
to  me,  but  she's  kinder  soured  on  things,  and  I  get 
so  tired  of  listening  to  how  wicked  the  world  is. 
She's  opposed  to  everything — are  you? 

DAVID,  (writing,  head  down — not  much  inter- 
ested— )  Yes !  Oh ! — no — no. 

SYLVIA,     (innocently}     How  about  concerts? 

DAVID,  (still  busy  writing)  Perfectly  harmless 
— when  they  play  in  tune. 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  11 

SYLVIA,  (confidentially)  I'm  invited  by  a  young 
man  who  comes  down  to  visit  a  neighbor  of  ours  to 
go  to  a  college  "Glee  Concert" — he  knows  you — 
he's  on  your  paper — Harold  Reynolds. 

DAVID,  (looking  up)  It's  not  my  paper — I'm 
only  the  editor — Harold's  a  manly  honorable  young 
fellow. 

SYLVIA.  I'll  go  to  the  concert.  Shall  I?  I  can't 
be  shut  up  forever — can  I? 

DAVID  (regarding  her  gravely — for  the  first  time) 
I  don't  see  how  you  could — you'll  find  an  outlet 
somewhere.  Go  by  all  means,  and  if  your  lady  rel- 
ative objects — send  her  to  me.  I'll  try  to  convince 
her  that  you  should  have  a  little  suitable  enjoyment. 

SYLVIA,  (impulsively)  Oh!  Thank  you — you're 
so  good  and — (looking  at  him  attentively)  You  are 
not  a  bit  old — are  you?  I  thought  when  everybody 
talked  about  you  that  you  were  so  wise  and  lived 
so  many  years  and  knew  everything  in  the  world — 

DAVID.     I — I  think  I  look  older  than  I  am. 

SYLVIA.  I  must  go  now — Harold  is  waiting  for 
me — I  must  say  goodbye — you'll  see  me  again.  (  SYL- 
VIA curtseys — goes  to  door  L.  2  E.  looks  back  at 
them,  laughs  a  peal  of  laughter  and  exits  L.  2  E.) 

DAVID,  (looks  at  MARTIN,  looking  after  her) 
Youth,  Hope,  Freshness — if  we  could  put  that  into 
our  writings — but  we  can't — we're-  shop  worn,  Mar- 
tin— shop  worn. 

MARTIN.  You've  made  yourself  accessory  to  an 
act  of  insubordination,  sir,  the  results  may  be  graver 
than  you  imagine. 

DAVID,  (good  humoredly).  I'll  shoulder  them! 
(MARTIN  goes  to  back  of  desk)  I  know  what  it 
means  to  live  with  people  who  want  to  grind  you 
down  to  their  way  of  thinking,  (abstractedly)  At 
twenty,  I  took  life  in  my  own  hands  and  fought  it 
alone.  I've  had  no  time  to  be  young,  no  time  for 


12 


gaiety — or  love,  like  other  men,  and  now — it  is  too 
late.  It  is  shameful,  this  sweet  young  girl,  neg- 
lected by  a  selfish  old  man — I  can  see  him — wrap- 
ped up  in  his  own  comfort.  Not  thinking  of  her 
forlorn  young  life — I'd  like  to  tell  him  what  I  think 
of  him — the  old  skinflint,  (paces  up  and  down) 

MARTIN.  (L.)  Dr.  David,  I  haven't  seen  you 
so  excited  in  a  long  time. 

DAVID,  (c.)  People  annoy  me.  They  don't 
know  what  duty  means.  Martin,  just  drop  a  line  to 
Miss  Clemantina — I'll  be  there  on  Sunday — to  talk 
over  matters — pertaining  to  the  training  and  edu- 
cation of  my  ward.  Don't  let  anything  interfere 
with  that,  Martin. 

MARTIN.    No,  sir — I  won't. 

DAVID,  (sits  down,  at  his  deslc,  composes  him- 
self to  work  and  arranges  his  light  and  papers — 
commencing  to  read,  shows  signs  of  impatience) 
Martin — 

MARTIN.    Yes,  sir — 

DAVID.  Where  is  that  college  glee  concert  to  be 
held?  I  used  to  sing  in  a  chorus  myself — 

MARTIN,  (rises)  I'll  go  and  get  a  newspaper 
and  find  out,  if  you  wish. 

DAVID.     You  do  get  an  idea  sometimes,  Martin. 

MARTIN,  (with  a  grin)  Xow  and  again,  sir. 
(go  out — R.  2  E.,  return,  take  lunch  off,  sounds  of 
noises  on  stairs)  Mr.  Gerald  and  Miss  Helen  are 
coming  up  sir — 

DAVID,  (sternly,  straightening  himself  up)  My 
brother  and  sister — what  can  they  want  here? 
(closes  look  with  a  bang.  Frowns — MAETIN  exits 
quietly) 

GERALD,  (enter  at  door,  L.  very  foppish,  pale, 
dissipated  looking)  Any  more  stairs? 

HELEN,  (young  widow,  rather  artificial  in  man- 
ner— in  deep  fashionable  mourning)  (gasping) 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  13 

Oh!  I  haven't  a  breath  left  in  my  body,  (sit  on 
sofa)  David,  why  will  you  live  on  the  top  of  a 
building  without  an  elevator? 

GERALD.    Confoundedly  inconsiderate —  (L.  c.) 

DAVID,  (coldly)  I  prefer  no  elevator,  because 
it  makes  my  habitation  more  difficult  of  access. 
(crosses  up  to  window,  throws  it  open,  showing  tops 
of  houses,  full  view  of  sky  and  red  moon  just  ris- 
ing) 

GERALD,  (c.  lightly)  Every  man  to  his  taste — 
for  you,  a  sky  parlor  and  musty  old  books — for  me 
"Wine,  Women  and  Song."  I  suppose  you'd  like  to 
know  why  I've  forced  my  unwelcome  presence  upon 
you,  if  I  don't  see  you  once  a  year,  you'd  forget  my 
existence,  and  I  don't  want  you  to  do  that,  (puts 
his  arm  around  DAVID.) 

DAVID.  (R.  of  GERALD)  I  forget  you,  Gerald — 
I  think  of  you  very  often,  but  it's  a  remembrance, 
which  is  very  painful  to  me  at  times. 

GERALD,  (drops  his  arm  from  around  DAVID) 
Don't  lecture,  please.  Because  we  are  brothers,  that's 
no  reason  why  we  should  be  alike.  I  suppose  you 
still  owe  me  a  grudge,  because  father  cut  you  off — 
I  would  have  made  it  all  right — I'm  willing  still, 
but  you  won't  let  me. 

DAVID,  (c.  coldly)  You  didn't  climb  all  the 
way  up  my  stairs  for  useless  recriminations — my 
father  had  a  right  to  do  what  he  liked  with  his 
money.  I  can  earn  all  I  need,  and  enough  to  give 
a  little  away — more  would  be  a  burden  to  me.  Are 
you  well,  little  sister? 

HELEN  (down  c)  (with  a  pout)  You've  not 
troubled  yourself  very  much  to  find  out. 

DAVID.  My  dear — I  don't  want  you  to  think  I 
have  neglected  you — I  have  been  promising  myself 
to  come  to  see  you  some  Sunday,  when  I  get  time. 

HELEN    (c.)    The  old  story.   When  you  get  time. 


14  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

I've  seen  you  twice  in  two  years — the  first  time  on 
my  wedding  day — the  second  time — when  I  buried 
my  husband — poor  Kobert — he's  been  dead  a  year 
tomorrow. 

DAVID.  Dear  me — you  don't  say  so,  how  time 
steals  away.  Poor  little  sister,  you've  been  unhappy. 

HELEN.  Happy — unhappy — I've  never  been  either 
— I  married  a  man  twice  my  age — because — well — 
he  was  very  good  to  me,  and  I  missed — him — at 
first.  I  have  everything  money  can  buy — but  noth- 
ing interests  me —  (yawns)  I  think  I'll  take  up 
literature — 

DAVID.  (R.  sternly)  I'd  try  to  be  sincere  about 
something  in  life — if  I  were  you. 

HELEN.  I  am —  (looks  lack  at  GERALD  who  is 
exploring  Cupola)  About  Gerald — but  I  think  you 
ought  to  take  that  responsibility  off  my  shoulders, 
David,  he's  simply  running  himself  to  the  ground. 
The  doctor  says — he'll  go  into  a  rapid  decline — 
if  he  doesn't  stop. 

DAVID.     Stop  what? 

HELEN.  Burning  the  candle  at  both  ends — he 
must  settle  down. 

DAVID.     Settle  down — how? 

HELEN".  Stupid — there's  only  one  way  for  a  man 
to  settle  down — to  marry — I  want  you  to  persuade 
him — David. 

DAVID.  I  shall  do  nothing  of  the  kind,  (rises, 
crosses  to  desk  L.) 

GERALD,  (strolling  in)  Ah !  Discussing  my  mat- 
rimonial possibilities — 

DAVID.    (L.  c.)    Helen  wants  you  to  marry. 

GERALD.  (C.)  Helen  delights  in  making  people 
miserable,  (angrily)  I  don't  see  why  you  trouble 
David  with  my  affairs — he  and  I  are  radically  un- 
like. He  always  put  his  pennies  in  a  tin  box,  I 
spent  mine — that's  the  difference  between  us. 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  15 

DAVID  (L.  c.  regretfully)  If  it  were  only  the 
money  wasted — Gerald. 

GERALD,  (recklessly)  You've  got  your  cake — in 
the  shape  of  a  good  constitution,  I've  eaten  mine — 
I'm  off — goodbye. 

DAVID.  I — I — I  can't  let  you  go  in  this  reckless 
mood — Gerald — wouldn't  some  other  means — affect 
a  cure — not  quite  so  severe  as  marriage?  (HELEX 
and  GERALD  laugh) 

GERALD.  (L.  c.  laughs)  That  old  fool  of  a  doc- 
tor— advised  farm  life. 

DAVID.     "Farm  life" — just  the  thing  for  you. 

GERALD.  Thanks — I'll  be  years  enough  buried — 
I  don't  care  that —  (snapping  his  fingers)  — for  my 
life,  as  long  as  it  lasts — I  shall  live  it — my  own  way. 
(crosses  to  door  L.  2  E.) 

HELEX.  (R.)  That's  just  how  it  always  ends — 
when  I  talk  to  him. 

DAVID,  (c.)  Gerald — don't  go — stay  and  spend 
the  evening  with  me,  and — read. 

GERALD,  (laughingly)  (at  door  L.)  And  read — 
an  unaccustomed  diversion — it's  the  first  time  you've 
ever  asked  me — thanks — I  will  stay  awhile  and — 
read,  (takes  book  and  sits  down,  at  chair  L.) 

HELEX.  (R.)  David, — tomorrow  night,  my  mourn- 
ing year  is  up, — I'm  going  into  colors — come  and 
dine  with  me.  (aside)  I  want  you  to  see  the  girl 
I've  picked  out  for  Gerald — 

DAVID,  (c.)  Impossible — tomorrow.  I'll  drop 
in  next — 

HELEX.    Year — good-bye,    (cross  to  door) 

DAVID.  Helen — don't  go — I  really  think  you  quite 
as  bad  in  your  way,  as  Gerald. 

HELEN.     David. 

DAVID.  And  I'd  like  to  help  you — Wait  a  moment 
— were  you  in  earnest  about  studying  literature? 

HELEX.     (undecided) — Eh — yes — why? 


16  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

DAVID,  (crosses  to  door  E. —  calls)  Savage  — 
Savage — 

(Enter  SAVAGE  quickly — book  in  hand — pen  behintd 
ear,  hair  mussed  up — very  intense — enters  rap- 
idly— nearly  runs  into  HELEN  who  recoils') 
SAVAGE.    (H.  E.)    I — I — beg  your  pardon. 
DAVID.    (E.)    My  sister  wants  something  to  inter- 
est her — I  recommend  YOU — 
HELEN.    (L.  c.)    (laughing)    Oh!   David — 

(E.  WHISTLE) 

DAVID.  Coach  her — give  her  some  ideas —  (GEB- 
ALD  enjoying  HELEN'S  discomfiture)  — Helen — you 
can  arrange  terms  with  him.  (sit  down  to  desk  E.) 

SAVAGE.  Madame — my  poor  talents  are  at  your 
disposal.  (E.  c.  bows) 

HELEN,  (sweetly)  Thank  you,  but  I  really  don't 
know  what  I  want  to  study. 

SAVAGE.  (E.  c.)  Will  you  leave  that  to  me — I 
shall — try  to  be  as  interesting  as  possible.  (DAVID 
rustles  papers  impatiently).  We  are  disturbing  your 
brother.  May  I  walk  a  little  way  with  you?  (bows) 

HELEN.  (L.  c.)  (nods)  Certainly,  (bows  in  re- 
turn) (GEEALD  annoyed,  SAVAGE  rushes  to  L. — exit 
E.  to  change  coat) 

HELEN.  (L.  towards  c.)  David — what  shall  I  pay 
this  young  man? 

DAVID.  (E.  at  desk)  Oh!  anything — he's  strug- 
gling for  a  living — and  I'd  like  to  help  him  along. 
You  can't  possibly  do  him  any  harm,  and  he  can  do 
you  a  great  deal  of  good. 

GEEALD.  (comes  down  c.)  Helen — you  can't  be 
seen  with  that  ink  spot. 

HELEN.  Oh !  anything  for  a  novelty —  (crosses  to 
door — SAVAGE  enters,  enthusiastically  to  DAVID) 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  17 

SAVAGE,  (shakes  his  hands)  Thank  you — Mr. 
Holmes — thank  you  a  thousand  times,  (crosses  to 
door  L.  Bows  HELEN  out  much  to  her  amusement) 

GERALD,  (c.,  in  a  friendly  manner)  This  is  a 
jolly  safe  place  to  spend  an  evening — keeps  a  fellow 
out  of  mischief, — eh! — David? 

DAVID.  (R.)  I  invited  you  to  read — not  to 
speak — 

(WHISTLE) 

GERALD.  Oh!  (subsides  behind  book  with  a  yawn) 
(whistle  at  tube,  MARTIN  enters  R.) 

MARTIN,  (at  tube)  Well,  what  is  it?  Yes,  he 
lives  here — who  are  you  ?  I'll  show  you  if  it  is  none 
of  my  business — you'll  keep  down  stairs,  till  you  tell 
me  your  name — Mr.  Holmes  is  a  very  busy  man, 
he's  not  seeing  every  trash  that  comes  along,  (two 
loud  whistles  up  the  tube) 

(DAVID  puts  his  hands  to  his  ears.)    (MARTIN  goes 

to  desk.) 
(WHISTLE) 

MARTIN,  (up  LV  through  tube)  What  name — 
what!  (in  comic  despair)  Oh! — Mr.  David — it's 
Miss  Clemantina? 

DAVID,  (starting  up)  Miss  Clemantina — I  can't 
stand  her.  (hastily  put  couple  of  books  in  your 
pocket)  I'm  going  on  the  balcony,  call  me  when 
she's  gone,  (rushes  up  hastily  as  Miss  CLEMANTINA 
bounces  into  room,  L.  ascends  ladder  at  bookcase  c. 
out  window  to  the  roof) 

CLEM,  (sharply)  Who  was  it  abusing  me  down 
that  tube? 

MARTIN.  (R.,  stuttering)  Miss  Clemantina — I 
had  no  idea — 

CLEM.  (c.  Int.)  Oh — it's  you,  Martin — of  course 
— you  wouldn't  have  an  idea. 


18  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

MARTIN.  I've  held  on  to  one  idea  for  a  long  time 
— Miss  Clemantina,  but  I  couldn't  succeed  in  get- 
ting you  to  share  with  me. 

CLEM,  (c.,  tossing  her  head)  Don't  be  a  fool — 
Martin — that's  twenty  years  ago.  (looking  at  him) 
What  a  sight  you  are — you've  got  a  crawled  inside, 
shrunken-up  kind  of  look. 

GERALD,  (coming  down  L.)  How  do — Miss  Clem- 
antina— 

CLEM.    Well — I  declare — if  it  isn't  Gerald. 

GERALD.  (L.)  It's  a  long  time — let  me  see  how 
many  years — 

CLEM,  (sharply)  Not  so  long,  but  I  can  remem- 
ber a  very  bad  boy.  I  hope — growing-up  has  made 
you  better. 

GERALD.    Xo — Miss  Clemantina. 

CLEM.  You  were  always  a  pasty-faced-cake-eat- 
ing-law-breaking  young  fiend. 

GERALD.  I  am  still — I've  broken  every  law  I 
know  of — and  the  cake's  all  eaten — 

CLEM.    Humph!     Where's  Mr.  Holmes? 

GERALD.    He's  out. 

CLEM.  Whose  long  legs  were  scrambling  up  into 
that  roof  just  now? 

MARTIN.    Mr.  David's  a  very  busy  man — he  is — 

CLEM,  (c.,  Int.)  I've  come  a  long  way — and  my 
business  is  important — I'll  sit  here  till  he  comes 
down,  (a  sneeze  outside  c.)  There.  He's  sneezing. 
He'll  catch  his  death  of  cold — up  there.  Call  him. 
(GERALD  goes  up  laughing,  stands  at  fireplace  L.) 

MARTIN.     Miss  Clemantina, — I — 

CLEM.     Call  him.    (x  to  L.  c.) 

MARTIN.     Mr.  David —  (3d  time  at  foot  of  steps) 

DAVID,  (c.,  putting  his  head  over,  coming  down 
the  ladder,  back  to  audience)  I  suppose  she  gave 
me  a  great  raking  over  the  coals — for  not  spending 
my  Sundays  with  her — her  rasping  voice  always 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  19 

goes  through  me.  (MARTIN,  during  ike  following, 
tries  to  pantomime  to  convey  to  DAVID  the  knowl- 
edge of  Miss  CLEMANTINA'S  presence)  (DAVID 
crosses  to  his  desk)  That  woman's  a  (looks  up  and 
sees  Miss  CLEMANTINA;  drops  into  a  chair) 

CLEM.  Good  evening,  Mr.  Holmes.  I've  had  the 
pleasure  of  hearing  your  opinion  of  me. 

DAVID,  (grimly)  The  unadorned  truth  is  a  good 
thing  now  and  then,  that  is  if  people  are  sensible 
enough  to  benefit  by  it.  All  the  same  I  was  coming 
to  pay  you  a  visit  next  Sunday.  Martin  was  going 
to  see  to  that — wasn't  you  Martin? 

MARTIN,  (head  down,  looking  under  his  eyes  at 
Miss  CLEM.)  I  was  going  to  try,  sir. 

DAVID,  (in  a  concilatory  tone)  How's  the  child 
— I  hope  she's  well — you'll  excuse  me  if  I  go  on 
writing,  I'm  a  very  busy  man — I  suppose  you've 
brought  your  sewing. 

CLEM,  (c.)  Mr.  Holmes — you  talk — as  if  you'd 
seen  me  yesterday — do  you  know  how  long  it  is? 

DAVID,  (uneasily)  It's  a  little  while  longer  than 
it  should  be  perhaps — you  get  the  quarterly  allow- 
ance of  course,  and  the  toys — for  the  child. 

CLEM.  Yes — and  they  are  all  piled  up  in  the  gar- 
ret, she  has  no  longer  any  use  for  them. 

DAVID.  Too  bad — grown  out  of  toys  evidently, 
what  would  she  like  now? 

CLEM.  I'll  tell  you  what  I'd  like,  Mr.  David, 
I'd  like  you  to  take  her  off  my  hands.  (DAVID  drops 
pen,  looks  helplessly  at  Miss  C.LEMANTINA) 

CLEM,  (over  desk)  She's  unruly,  disobedient, 
disrespectful,  and  worse  than  all — she  argues  with 
me — about  things,  (goes  towards  c.) 

DAVID.  I  might  suggest  a  good  training  school, 
or  a  private  Kindergarten. 

CLEM.  Kindergarten — the  girl's  turned  seven- 
teen— she's  a  woman. 


20 


DAVID.    A  what? 

CLEM.  A  young  woman  with  a  tendency  for 
pleasure — to-night — against  my  express  wish,  she 
left  my  house,  to  attend  some  entertainment,  accom- 
panied by  a  young  man. 

DAVID,  (in  solemn  wrath)  Alone !  at  night ! — 
with  a  young  man — Miss  Clemantina! — how — could 
you? 

GERALD,    (aside)    Oh!  Awful. 

CLEM.     There.    I  knew  you'd  blame  me. 

DAVID.  No.  No.  I  am  the  one  to  blame.  I 
haven't  done  the  right  thing.  It's  on  my  conscience 
— what  can  I  do  to  make  things  right? 

CLEM.    Take  charge  of  her  yourself. 

DAVID,  (horror-stricken)  I — my  dear  woman — 
what  in  the  world — could  I  do  with  her?  (in  an 
injured  manner)  It's  not  fair,  Clemantina — I  gave 
a  sweet  innocent  babe  into  your  arms,  you  bring  me 
back — an  undisciplined,  young  woman. 

CLEM,  (blazing  up)  I  can't  help  the  child  grow- 
ing up — can  I — can  I? 

DAVID,  (x.  R.,  in  helpless  excitement)  I'll  get 
my  hat  and  coat,  wherever  she  is — we'll  fetch  her  at 
once,  (exit  into  room  R.  3) 

GERALD,  (rushing  for  hat  and  coat)  Yes — 
wherever  she  is — we'll  go  and  fetch  her  at  once. 

CLEM,  (c.)  She's  at  a  concert — a  glee  club  con- 
cert, among  a  lot  of  wild  boys. 

MARTIN",  (the  truth  "breaking  upon  him}  stam- 
mering and  stuttering)  A  glee — glee — club  con- 
cert—  (sounds  of  laughing  are  heard — enter  SYL- 
VIA and  HAROLD  laughing  and  tallcing) 

HAROLD.  (L.  c.)  The  concert  didn't  really 
amount  to  much — but  I  was  amused  at  seeing  you 
enjoy  it. 

SYLVIA.  (L.)  I  enjoy  everything — no  matter 
how  bad  it  is. 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  21 

HAHOLD.  Why — Mr.  Holmes —  (shakes  "hands 
with  GERALD,  who  comes  down  between  them)  Miss 
Sylvia — this  is  your  guardian's  brother — Mr.  Gerald 
Holmes. 

SYLVIA.  (L.,  extending  hand)  My  guardian's 
brother — then  what  relation  is  he  to  me?  (GERALD 
and  HAROLD  look  at  each  other) 

GERALD,  (bending  over  her)  Suppose  we  say — » 
er — uncle — 

SYLVIA.     My  uncle — Oh! — that's  too  funny. 

CLEM.    SYLVIA! 

HAROLD.  (R.  c.)  (putting  himself  between  Miss 
CLEM,  and  SYLVIA)  (very  sweetly  to  Miss  CLEM.) 
I  hope  you  won't  be  angry  at  Miss  Sylvia — it's  only 
half-past  nine — we  left  early  in  order  to  catch  you, 
and  if  you'll  allow  me — I  shall  take  great  pleasure 
in  escorting  you  both  home — 

CLEM.    You're  too  kind — sir — too  kind. 

HAROLD.  (c.,  sweetly)  I  can't  help  that — it's 
my  natural  disposition — my  dear  Miss  Clemantina 
— it  don't  do  to  be  too  strict  with  girls — in  these 
days.  Now  in  your  time — half  a  century  ago — 

CLEM.     SIR —    (sweeps  past  him) 

HAROLD,    (c.)    What  have  I  said? 

(SYLVIA  seated  on  sofa  c.  roaring  with  laughter,  as 
DAVID,  who  enters,  on  the  fly,  with  umbrella, 
coat  and  hat — to  c.,  starts  liack,  at  seeing  SYL- 
VIA and  two  young  men) 

SYLVIA,  (laughing,  crossing  to  DAVID)  How 
do — Guardy — 

(DAVID  starts  lack) 

CLEM.    Your  ward — Mr.  Holmes — ' 

DAVID.    My — my  what? 

SYLVIA,  (innocently  looking  up  in  his  face) 
Your  ward —  (puts  her  cheek  up,  which  after  a 
pause,  he  pecks  at  in  a  frightened  way)  I  received 


22  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

all  Martin's  nice,  funny  letters,  and  the  hobby  horse 
he  sent  me  last  Christmas — was  beautiful. 

HAROLD  and  GERALD.  HOBBY  HORSE!  Ha, 
ha,  ha! 

DAVID.    Martin — you're  a  fool. 

MARTIN.    Yes,  sir. 

HAROLD.  Mr.  Holmes,  good  evening — 1  had  no 
idea — Sylvia  was  your  ward — 

DAVID.  It's  a  great  shock  to  me,  Harold — I — 
you — understand. 

HAROLD.  (R.  c.)  Yes,  I  understand — you'd  for- 
gotten about  her — perfectly  natural  for  such  a  busy 
man. 

GERALD.    (R.  of  desk  R.)  You  lucky  dog — David — 

DAVID.     Don't  Gerald. 

HAROLD.  (L.  of  DAVID,  laughing)  He  wants  us 
to  go. 

GERALD.  Have  it  out  with  the  old  girl — and — 
you  can  always  depend  upon  me  to  look  after  the 
young  one —  (goes  round  to  L.  c.,  exit) 

HAROLD,    (to  SYLVIA)    You're  in  for  it — 

SYLVIA,    (c.)     I'll  get  out  of  it. 

MARTIN.    (R.)     It's  the  little  author — sir. 

DAVID,  (to  MARTIN  R.)  She  was  too  much  for 
us;  she  did  us  completely,  (chuckled,  and  watches 
SYLVIA  like  a  strange  animal) 

SYLVIA,  (sweetly)  Miss  Clemantina — I  can't 
bear  you  to  be  angry  with  me. 

CLEM,    (pushes  SYLVIA)     Go  away. 

DAVID.  (R.  c.)  Clemantina,  don't  punish  the 
child.  It's  not  her  fault — it's  mine.  Sylvia,  this 
time,  Miss  Clemantina  will  overlook  your  disobe- 
dience, and  you'll  go  home  with  her,  and  things 
will  go  on  just  the  same  as  before. 

SYLVIA.      (R.  c.)    (disappointedly)      Go  home — • 

DAVID,  (a  little  sharply)  Certainly — where  else 
you  want  me  to  go  home  with  Miss  Clemantina. 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  23 

can  you  go  at  this  late  hour,  everyone  goes  home, 
it's  the  only  place  to  go.  (consulting  his  time  table, 
on  L.  desk  R.) 

MARTIN.     Last  train  for  Brookfield — 10:30. 

DAVID.     10 :30. 

CLEMANTINA.  (L.,  softening)  I'm  fond  of  the 
child,  if  she'll  beg  my  pardon,  for  being  disobedient. 

SYLVIA.  I  was  not  disobedient,  my  guardian  gave 
me  permission  to  go  with  Mr.  Reynolds. 

CLEM.    He  gave  you  what ? 

DAVID.     My  dear  Miss  Clemantina — 

CLEM.  Did  you  give  her  permission?  Or  did 
you  not? 

DAVID.    I  certainly  did 1 — 

CLEM.  That  settles  it — I  deliver  her  safe  and 
sound  and — in  good  physical  condition  to  you.  Good 
evening. 

DAVID,  (clutching  her  in  despair)  Clemantina — 
don't  leave  me  like  this — 

CLEM.     Martin — walk  behind  me  to  the  cars. 

MARTIN,  (with  a  start)  Yes — yes — Miss  Clem- 
antina—  (zing  L.) 

DAVID,  (clutching  MARTIN)  You're  not  going  to 
leave  me  here  with — 

CLEM.  Mr.  Holmes — when  you  have  sufficiently  re- 
alized the  gigantic  task  of  looking  after  a  very  young 
woman,  who  likes  pleasure,  you  may  appreciate  my 
feelings,  (half  hysterically)  You'll  see — you'll  see. 
Martin,  come  along,  (she  exits  followed  by  MARTIN 
R.  2  E.) 

SYLVIA.  (R.  of  DAVID,  sits  demurely  hands  folded) 
She  don't  mean  a  word,  she's  too  fond  of  me,  but 
it's  best  for  us  to  part  for  a  little  while. 
(DAVID  stands  in  door  L.,  watching  her,  as  she  slow- 
ly removes  her  hat  and  gloves,  also  cape.  DAVID 
comes  down,  clears  his  throat — SYLVIA  watch- 
ing  him  slyly  under  her  eyes) 


24  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

SYLVIA.  Miss  Clem,  has  washed  her  hands  of  me, 
and  I  shall  stay  with  you.  I  consider  it  my  duty  to 
repay  what  you  have  done  for  me. 

DAVID.  (R.  c.)  My  dear  child,  you  don't  realize 
— I  couldn't  have  you  here.  It  wouldn't  do. 

SYLVIA.  (R.  c.)  (with  quivering  lips)  You  don't 
want  me. 

DAVID.    It's  not  a  question  of  wishes — if  s — 

SYLVIA.  My  rightful  place  is  here.  You're  my 
guardian.  My  father  left  me  to  you. 

DAVID.    Yes,  but but not  here,    (aside)    I 

can't  tell  this  child,  but —  (takes  her  hat,  hands  it 
to  her)     Here —  (SYLVIA  takes  hat) 

DAVID.    Put  it  on ! 

(SYLVIA  puts  on  hat,  DAVID  hands  her  gloves  and 
puts  on  her  wrap  wrong  side  out.  SYLVIA  half 
crying,  half  laughing) 

DAVID,  (ad  lib.)  I — I've  turned  it  upside  down 
— I  mean  wrong  side  out.  (awkwardly  takes  it  off) 
Now  I'll  take  you  back  to  Miss  Clemantina. 

SYLVIA,    (hopelessly)    Back  to  Miss  Clemantina. 

DAVID.  I  hope  you  don't  feel  that  I  am  neglect- 
ing you  or  trying  to  put  you  off  on  anybody  else, 
I — loved  your  father.  His  loss  made  my  life  very 
dreary,  for  years,  I — I'll  come  to  see  you  every  Sun- 
day, and  look  after  your  mental  development.  Every 
Sunday,  (looks  at  watch,  X'es  to  door,  SYLVIA  fol- 
lowing reluctantly,  looking  around  room) 

SYLVIA.  Father  had  a  room  like  this,  I  can  just 
dimly  remember  it,  I  used  to  say  when  I  grew  up,  I 
should  make  his  tea  for  him.  You  never  read  the 
letter  my  father  wrote  to  me — before  he  died.  I 
was  only  a  little  tot  then — and  I  couldn't  under- 
stand much.  I  always  carry  it  next  to  my  heart. 
Would  you  like  to  read  it?  (takes  letter  out  of  her 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  25 

bosom  kisses  it)  It's  nearly  worn  away  with  my 
kisses. 

DAVID,  (aside)  Poor  little  waif,  (takes  Utter  in. 
his  hand,  looks  at  it) 

SYLVIA,  (edging  up  to  him)  Read  it  out  loud — 
will  you? 

DAVID,  (opens  letter,  reads)  "My  dear  little 
daughter:  I  am  going  to  leave  you  forever.  My 
heart  has  been  very  heavy,  but  I  feel  comforted  now 
because  my  dear,  faithful  David  has  been  with  me 
all  day."  (DAVID  affected)  I  am  not  leaving  you 
alone — dear.  He  will  take  care  of  you.  Nestle 
close  to  him  and  grow  into  his  heart,  as  you  have 
grown  into  mine.  "My  Precious — Goodbye."  Poor 
Henry — poor  fellow,  (breaks  down)  (SYLVIA  wipes 
her  eyes)  I — I  never  had  much  experience  with 
children.  I  though  all  they  needed — was  fresh  air, 
and  exercise,  and  I  forgot  the  time,  and  that  you 
were  grown  up,  and — affection — and — I'm  very  sorry 
— I'll  try  to  make  it  up —  (SYLVIA  reels — han,d  to 
her  head) 

SYLVIA.  (B.  c.)  Oh!  Everything's  going  round. 
— I  was  so  excited — I — I  didn't  eat  any  supper. 

DAVID.  Lie  down,  on  the  sofa — there's  some  of 
my  supper  left,  fortunately. 

SYLVIA,  (faintly)  Thank  you —  (DAVID  out  E. 
2  E.  with  lamp)  (drops  on  sofa — lays  her  head  down 
with  a  sigh)  Oh!  My  head.  I'm  so  tired,  (laughs 
faintly.  Enter  DAVID  with  plate  of  food)  How 
funny — it  all  is.  You're  not  a  bit  old,  and  your 
face  lights  up  so,  when  you  smile.  You're  coming 
every  Sunday.  That's  something,  and  perhaps  when 
you're  old  and  can't  use  your  eyes,  you'll  let  me 
copy  for  you  and — 

DAVID.    Here's  a  nice  piece  of  chicken  for  you. 

SYLVIA  (drowsily)  Thank  you,  but  I'm  too  tired 
to  eat.  (drops  'asleep) 


26  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

MARTIN,    (enters  R.  s.  E.)    Mr.  David! 

DAVID.  Hush!  Hush!  She's  asleep,  (looks  at 
watch)  The  ten- thirty  train  has  gone,  (in  a  whis- 
per) Go  down  and  tell  the  janitress  to  look  after 
the  young  lady,  in  my  room — Go  and  find  quarters 
for  the  night,  somewhere — Hush!  (push  MARTIN 
out  L.  3  E.) 

(LIGHTS  DOWN) 

(DAVID  quietly  takes  a  small  leather  bag,  from 
underneath  table,  throws  in  book,  puts  them  in 
bag,  goes  to  mantelpiece.  Takes  pipe  and  to- 
bacco— takes  out  coat  and  umbrella.  X's  to 
door,  comes  back,  turns  down  reading  lamp  on 
desk — moon  streams  in  room  over  SYLVIA,  he 
conies  to  door — comes  back  again — takes  pillow 
which  has  dropped  on  floor,  puts  it  under  her 
head,  draws  rug  over  her,  tucks  it  in  softly, 
X's  to  door  L.,  stands  looking  after  her,  then 
softly  exits.) 

CURTAIN 


ACT  II 

TIME. — The  following  evening.  HELEN  LE  GRAND'S 
home — Murray  Hill. 

SCENE. — A  turkish  smoking  room  to  practical  hall 
c.,  dining-room  R.  3.  All  lights  up.  Bunches 
strong  R.  and  L.  and  R.  u.  E.  Music  on  stage 

R.  U.  E. 

AT  RISE. — HAROLD  enters  c.  from  L.,  followed  by 
FLUNKEY,  soft  strains  of  music  are  heard,  and 
the  sound  of  voices  and  clinking  of  glasses. 

HAROLD,    (to  FLUNKEY)    Still  at  dinner? 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  27 

FLUNKEY,  (with  grand  air)  It's  nearly  over — sir 
— be  seated,  and  I'll  announce  you  to  Mrs.  Le  Grand. 
(exits  in  dining-room  R.  3.)  (HAROLD  comes  down 
and  seats  himself  on  divan  L.) 

HELEN,  (enters  R.  3.  HAROLD  rises)  (HELEN  in 
handsome  dinner  gown,  with  outstretched  hand) 
My  dear  Harold,  I'm  delighted  to  see  you. 

HAROLD.  (L.  c.)  Am  I  disturbing  your  dinner 
party  ? 

HELEN.  Oh,  not  at  all  —  and  it's  not  a 
dinner  party,  only  four  of  us.  I'll  let  you  into  a 
secret, — I'm  trying  to  get  Gerald  married. 

HAROLD.  And  the  lady  in  question  is  Miss  Lei- 
cester. 

HELEN,  (up  and  flitting  about)  Harriet  is  just 
the  wife  for  Gerald.  She  is  wide  awake  to  his  faults, 
and  really — cares  for  him.  I  am  hoping  to-night 
will  clinch  matters.  I  do  love  to  marry  people  off. 
Spiteful  of  me,  isn't  it?  Considering  what  a  failure 
I  made  of  it  myself.  My  couple  is  getting  on  fa- 
mously and  Mr.  Savage,  poor  fellow  is  discreetly  ad- 
miring the  "pictures. 

HAROLD,    (rising,  quickly)    Who? 

HELEN,  (innocently)  Mr.  Savage — a  very  dear 
friend  of  mine. 

HAROLD,  (eyeing  her  suspiciously  X'ing  L.  1.) 
That's  strange — he  and  I  are  room  mates — you've 
known  him  a  long  time,  then? 

HELEN,  (demurely)  Since  yesterday — he's  going 
to  give  me  a  course  in  literature.  Hush! — here  he 
is —  (as  SAVAGE  enters  in  full  dress,  with  evident 
attempt  at  adornment.  He  comes  down  R.) 

HAROLD.  (L.)  Savage  a  professor — ha!  ha — he 
couldn't  teach  anything — if  he  died  for  it.  He's 
clever,  undeniably  so — but  he's  not  standard  litera- 
ture. 

SAVAGE,    (annoyed) 


28  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

HELEN,  (to  SAVAGE)  Don't  mind  him — I  have 
perfect  confidence  in  you,  Mr.  Savage — perfect. 
(HELEN  exits  in  dining  room,  laughing)  (Bus) 

HAROLD.    (L.  of  him)   You  sly  dog. 

SAVAGE,    (turning  toward  c.)    You  beggar — 

HAROLD.    To  put  on  my  dress  suit — 

SAVAGE.     Our  dress  suit. 

HAROLD.    And  steal  out — 

SAVAGE.  It  was  my  turn — you  went  to  a  concert 
last  night.  That  silk  handkerchief  goes  with  the 
suit —  (snatches  it  from  HAROLD'S  breast-coat 
pocket,  and  SAVAGE  returns  him  a  linen  handker- 
chief, crumpled  up) 

HAROLD,  (disgustedly)  Phew !  Your  pipe's  rolled 
up  in  it  as  usual,  (shakes  handkerchief,  pipe  falls 
out,  SAVAGE  picks  it  up  guiltily,  and  puts  it  in  his 
pocket)  I  wish  you'd  break  yourself  of  the  beastly 
habit  of  putting  your — a  lighted  pipe  in  your  pocket 
you  burnt  a  hole  clear  through  this  second  best — 
(bus)  If  you're  going  to  take  to  society — we'll  be 
threadbare  in  no  time — Good  Heavens!  (catching 
at  the  lapels  of  SAVAGE'S  coat)  What's  that? 

SAVAGE,  (very  guiltily)  I  think  it's  the  soup  or 
the  ice-cream — 

HAROLD.  (L.  c.)  Savage,  for  my  sake,  for  your 
mother's  sake,  stop  eating  in  these  clothes. 

SAVAGE.  (R.  c.)  It's  only  grease — an  iron  over 
brown  paper — will  take  it  out. 

HAROLD,  (x.  L.)  It  won't  take  me  out — to  Mrs. 
Cornwaller's — at  home — at  10:30  to-night. 

SAVAGE.  Yes  it  will.  (SAVAGE  turn  to  him)  I'll 
leave  here  at  10  sharp.  I'll  press  the  grease  spot 
and  the  wrinkles  out  of  this  front,  and  have  you 
as  neat  as  wax —  (comes  to  L.) 

HAROLD,      (c.)      Thanks — old  chap — I'll   do  as 
much  for  you. 
(Enter  GERALD,  HELEN  and  HARRIET  R.  3  E.) 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  29 

HAROLD.    Good  evening — 
(HELEN  and  SAVAGE  down  L.  together) 

GERALD,  (down  R.)  Ah! — How  are  you — Eey- 
nolds — Helen — I  am  longing  for  a  smoke  and  my 
coffee — your  dinner  was  an  awful  bore. 

(HARRIET  on  divan  R.) 

HELEN.  (Sees  HARRIET)  Hush! — Sit  here  Mr. 
Savage — my  poor  husband's  chair,  I  always  miss 
him  at  this  hour,  he'd  smoke  and  take  his  coffee, 
and  then  he'd  go  off  into  a  good — long  sleep  for  the 
rest  of  the  evening. 

(SAVAGE  sits  on  armchair  L.) 

GERALD.  (R.  c.)  A  decent  fellow — my  brother- 
in-law  —  Enormously  rich  —  but  —  between  you  and 
me — Helen  was  a  duced  sight  too  good  for  him — 

HARRIET.  (R.)  Most  women  are  too  good  for  the 
men  they  marry. 

GERALD.  (R.  c.)  How  is  it  women  always  find 
that  out  after  they  are  married? 

HELEN,  (x'ing  to  c.,  HARRIET  rises  and  meets 
her  c.)  They  know  it  before — and  imagine  they  can 
reform  their  husband,  but  they  can't,  (enter  FLUN- 
KEY R.  u.  E.,  passes  around  coffee — and  cigarettes) 
(aside  to  HARRIET)  Well? 

HARRIET,  (on  sofa  L.)  (L.  c.)  If  I  were  you, 
I  would  not  make  such  obvious  efforts  to  leave  me 
alone  with  Gerald — he  doesn't  like  it,  and  I — I  get 
rather  disgusted  with  myself,  (x  back  R  and  sits) 

HELEN.  Nonsense —  (x  'back  L.  and  sinks  on. 
divan  L.) 

GERALD,  (down  R.)  Mr.  Savage,  what  will  be 
the  next  fashion  in  Literature?  Realism  is  dying — 
is  going  out — 

SAVAGE.    Euralism — will  be  the  next  fad  (drink- 


30  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

ing  his  coffee)  The  fact  is  we  are  surfeited  with 
everything. 

HAKOLD.  (c.  on  ottoman — )  He's  eaten  too  much 
dinner. 

SAVAGE.  (L.)  The  next  successful  literary  work 
will  resound  with  the  rippling  of  brooks,  and  the 
babble  of  simple  country  folk.  Society  will  take  it 
up,  because  society  is  worn  out  and  must  go  back 
to  nature — for  renewed  strength. 

GERALD.  Talking  of  ruralism — Ah  ! — Sylvia — • 
(throws  a  kiss  in  the  air) 

HARRIET,  (on  divan  L.)  Sylvia!  (looks  at  HELEN' 
B.,  who  nods  enthusiastically) 

GERALD.  David's  ward — she's  a  rural  maiden — 
and  quaint  enough  to  have  been  painted  by  an  old 
master. 

HARRIET,    (on  divan  L.)     Handsome? 

HAROLD.     Sweet — fresh  as  an  opening  rose. 

GERALD.  (R.  c.  beside  her)  And  as  refreshingly 
transparent  as  a  dew-drop. 

HARRIET.    (RV  restless  and  jealous)    Good  style? 

GERALD.     None — whatever. 

HAROLD,    (c.)    She  is  natural. 

HARRIET.    (R.)    Stupid,  of  course? 

GERALD.  (R.  c.)  Not  world- wise — like  you  and 
me. 

HAROLD.     She  has  everything  before  her. 

HELEN,  (lying  lack  on  couch)  Fortunate  child 
— I've  exhausted  everything.  (SAVAGE  beside  her 
bus.) 

DAVID,  (outside  L.  u.  E.)  That's  all  right — my 
man,  I  know  my  way  up.  (enter  DAVID  excitedly 
hat  back  of  his  head,  comes  down  excitedly,  crosses 
to  HARRIET  R.  and  without  looking  at  her,  bends 
over  her  and  kisses  her)  My  dear  Helen —  (leans 
over  as  if  to  Jciss  her) 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  31 

GERALD,  (laughing)  David — this  is  Miss  Lei- 
cester— 

DAVID,  (bowing  in  an  old-fashioned  ivay)  I'm 
afraid  I  kissed  you — 

HARRIET,  (rises  to  him)  (extending  her  hand — 
laughing  x.  R.)  You  did — but  I  don't  mind. 

DAVID,  (takes  her  hands,  pats  it  for  a  moment, 
looks  earnestly  at  her,  then  drops  it)  Poor  child! 
(absent  mindedly)  Ah !  Savage — have  you  succeeded 
in  interesting  my  sister?  (SAVAGE  laughs)  Helen — 
I  want  to  see  you  about  Sylvia,  (comes  down  to 
HELEN  L.  c.) 

HELEN.  Sylvia! —  (SAVAGE  left  behind  divan — 
GERALD,  HARRIET  R.) 

DAVID.  (R.  c.)  Miss  Clemantina  wouldn't  take 
her  home — • 

HAROLD.    Oh!  (x.  L.) 

DAVID.  I  gave  her  my  rooms — last  night,  and 
sought  shelter  elsewhere. 

HELEN.    (L.  c.)    David!    Where  did  you  sleep? — 

DAVID.  (R.  c.)  I  didn't  sleep — I  sat  up  in  Mr. 
Mulberry's  vacant  chair,  during  the  hours  that  he 
occupied  his  cot. 

GERALD.    (R.,  breaking  out)    Ha — ha — ha. 

DAVID,  (looks  at  him  solemnly)  I  was  very  much 
worried  all  day,  and  as  night  was  falling  fast,  I 
didn't  really  know  what  to  do — Martin  suggested 
that  I  should  bring  her  here,  (apologetically  with  a 
side  glance  at  HELEN)  She's  following  on  with 
Martin.  (HELEN  very  much  amused,  and  trying  to 
restrain  GERALD'S  merriment) 

HAROLD,  (gladly)  Sylvia — here.  (DAVID  goes  up 
— MARTIN  very  much  crushed  enter  at  c.) 

MARTIN,  (up  L.  in  a  worried  tone)  She  says — 
she  won't  come  up,  unless  you  fetch  her. 

DAVID,  (apologetically)  I  find  her  a. very  deter- 
mined character,  I  must  go  and  fetch  her. 


32  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

ALL.    Ha!  Ha!  Ha! 

DAVID.  I  don't  see  anything  amusing  about  it,  I 
think  it's  very  sad.  I've  neglected  that  child  all 
these  years — whatever  her  faults,  I  am  responsible. 
(exit  DAVID  c.  to  L.) 

HELEN,  (x  to  GERALD  R.  c.)  Gerald — don't  laugh 
— I  won't  have  David  offended. 

GERALD.  (R.)  I  can't  help  it  Helen — think  of 
that  young  girl  walking  in,  taking  possession  and 
routing  out  those  old  fossils,  (exits  L.) 

DAVID,  (from  c.)  (re-enters  L.  c.  very  troubled) 
I  forgot  to  say  that  I  have  not  yet  told  her — I  am 
going  to  leave  her  here  with  you. 

HELEN,  (on  his  R.  aghast)  Leave  her  here  with 
me — 

DAVID,  (c.)  As  she  seems  set  in  the  conviction — 
that  it  is  her  duty  to  remain  with  me,  (laugh)  which 
is  all  very  well  in  theory — but  impractical,  (GERALD 
laughs)  but  don't  think  for  a  moment,  I  am  trying  to 
evade  something  disagreeable.  She's  my  responsibil- 
ity, and  I  intend  to  shoulder  her,  but  if  you  would 
be  willing  to  take  charge  of  her, — provisionally  of 
course — I  would  be  deeply  indebted  to  you. 

HELEN".  (R.  c.)  Certainly  I  will  for  your  sake — 
David. 

DAVID,    (heaves  a  sigh,  exits  to  L.)    Thank  you. 

GERALD,  (to  MARTIN,  who  stands  at  entrance) 
Come  in — Martin.  (MARTIN  enters,  stops  at  en- 
trance) 

HELEN.  Sit  down,  Martin.  (L.  c.)  (MARTIN  sits 
on  edge  of  chair  by  entrance,  twirling  his  hat) 

GERALD.    (R.)    Where  did  you  sleep — Martin? 

MARTIN,  (up  c.)  I  didn't  sleep  sir,  I  sat  up 
with  Mr.  David — and  talked  it  over. 

GERALD.     Ha!  Ha!  Ha! 

(Enter  DAVID  very  stiff  and  straight,  and  severe, 
walks  down,  crosses,  turns  head,  and  looks  be- 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  33 

hind,  not  seeing  SYLVIA,  goes  back  to  entrance, 
exits  for  a  moment,  comes  down,  walking  stiff 
and  straight,  lead  SYLVIA  by  the  hand  very 
frightened  and  embarrassed) 

DAVID,  (c.)  Helen — this  is  Sylvia —  (looks  for 
SYLVIA) 

SYLVIA,  (who  has  caught  sight  of  HAROLD — runs 
to  him  with  outstretched  hands)  Oh — Mr.  Harold ! 

HAROLD,  (gladly)  Sylvia!  (HAROLD  and  SAVAGE 
stand  before  SYLVIA  1  L.  masking  her  in) 

SYLVIA.  I'm  so  frightened — it  is  all  so  grand 
here,  it  takes  my  breath  away,  (comes  down  L.  and 
GERALD  crosses  to  her)  Oh!  Do  you  live  here? 

GERALD,  (laughing  at  her)  Yes,  I  live  here. 

DAVID,    (c.)    Sylvia — this  is  my  sister — Helen. 

SYLVIA,  (crosses  to  DAVID)  Is  it?  Isn't  she  beau- 
tiful? (all  laugh)  (SYLVIA  x's  to  HELEN  R.) 

HELEN.  (R.)  Thank  you, — that  was  the  most 
sincere  compliment  I  have  ever  received,  (draws 
SYLVIA  to  and  kisses  her)  Take  off  your  hat — dear 
and  stay. 

SYLVIA,  (watches  DAVID,  who  makes  a  movement 
to  go  to  entrance  c.  and  stops  when  he  sees  her  look- 
ing) I  will,  if  he  will. 

HELEN.    (R.)    Certainly  he  will. 

( Takes  off  SYLVIA'S  hat  and  wrap,  during  which 
DAVID  turns  and  looks  at  MARTIN,  who  at  en- 
trance, is  on  the  alert,  makes  a  quick  movement 
over  his  shoulder  to  indicate  that  DAVID  should 
start,  and  make  a  rapid  exit  at  once.  DAVID 
nods,  and  goes  up  towards  exit  rapidly.  SYLVIA 
makes  a  rush  after  him,  just  in  time  to  catch 
the  end  of  his  coat-tails — disappears  in  hall,  and 
draws  him  back) 

SYLVIA,    (at  entrance)    Where  are  you  going? 


34  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

DAVID.  Martin  reminds  me  that  I  have  neglected 
my  work  and  I  must — 

SYLVIA,    (interrupting)    I'll  go  with  you. 

DAVID,  (conciliatingly)  Sylvia,  my  sister  has 
kindly  consented  to  take  care  of  you. 

SYLVIA,  (up  R.  with  DAVID)  I  don't  want  to  be 
taken  care  of  like  a  child,  I'm  too  old  for  that.  Miss 
Clemantina  took  care  of  me  long  enough,  it's  time 
I  took  care  of  somebody  now. 

HAROLD.    (L.  1  over  chair,  aside)   The  darling ! 

SYLVIA.  I  want  to  go  with  you,  and  make  your 
tea,  and  try  to  repay  you  for  what  you've  done  for 
me — I  won't  stay  here  without  you — there! 

DAVID,  (troubled)  Sylvia — have  you  made  up 
your  mind  to  that? 

SYLVIA,    (firmly)    Yes. 

DAVID,  (resignedly)  Well  I  suppose  that  settles 
it.  (weakly)  Will  you  stay  here — while  I  go  after 
Martin,  and  give  him  some  instructions? 

SYLVIA,    (suspiciously)    You'll  come  back. 

DAVID,  (up  c.,  reproachfully)  I  give  you  my 
word — Sylvia. 

SYLVIA.  (R.  c.)  (magnanimously)  Very  well — 
you  can  go. 

DAVID,    (sighs,  exits  c.)    Thank  you. 

(SAVAGE  x's  behind  divan  to  L.) 

HELEX.  Sylvia — come  here  clear — I  want  to  pre- 
sent you  to  my  friend  —  Miss  Leicester.  (SYLVIA 
drops  a  quaint  curtsey)  (HELEN  takes  SYLVIA'S 
wraps  off  R.) 

HARRIET,  (on  divan  R.)  (takes  SYLVIA  in  with 
lorgnette  patronizingly  from  head  to  foot)  You  have 
made  a  great  stir,  haven't  you.  It's  a  good  way  to 
set  people  talking  of  you.  You'll  be  quite  a  success 
in  society,  indeed  you've  succeeded  already  in  turn' 
ing  these  young  men's  heads. 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  35 

SYLVIA,  (looking  at  her  up  c.)  When  a  person 
succeeds  in  anything,  they  try  for  it,  don't  they?  I 
haven't — but  all  the  same,  I'm  very  glad  they 
like  me.  (turns  to  HELEN,  who  puts  her  arms  about 
her) 

GERALD.    One  for  you — Harriet. 

SYLVIA,  (uneasily)  Oughtn't  Mr.  David  to  be 
back  now? 

GERALD,  (x'ing  up  L.  of  SYLVIA)  He's  probably 
gone  home  to  bed,  and  forgotten  all  about  you.  He's 
singularly  unlike  the  rest  of  us,  so  old-fogyish. 

SYLVIA.  I  don't  think  so — if  he  took  as  much 
trouble  with  his  clothes,  as  you  do — he'd  be  better 
looking. 

HARRIET.  (R.  on  divan,  laughing)  One  for  you — 
Gerald. 

HELEN.  (R.  of  SYLVIA  on  divan  with  HARRIET 
laughing)  Why  Sylvia — Gerald  is  considered  very 
good  looking  in  society.  (HELEN  comes  to  sofa  L. 
does  not  sit) 

SYLVIA.  (taMng  him  in)  He  needs  pure  air,  and 
fresh  milk,  morning  walks,  and  sleep. 

ALL.     Ha!  Ha!  Ha! 

GERALD,  (half  piqued,  half  amused)  Take  me  in 
hand,  will  you?  I  will  turn  country  pumpkin  and 
we'll  run  a  model  farm  together. 

SYLVIA.  Mr.  David  won't  forget  me,  he  gave  me 
his  word. 

HAROLD,  (behind  divan  L.)  He  always  keeps  his 
word — Miss  Sylvia — but  I  know  he  has  most  impor- 
tant business  in  hand,  about  the  Prize  Contest. 

SYLVIA,  (x'ing  to  divan  to  HELEN)  (L.  and  sits) 
Harold's  trying  for  it.  What  would  you  do  if  you 
got  it,  Harold? 

HAROLD,  (bending  over  her)  I'd  get  married  at 
once.  Would  you  speak  a  good  word  for  me,  Sylvia  ? 

SYLVIA,    (unconsciously)   "With  all  my  heart. 


36  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

HELEN,  (on  divan  L.  to  HAROLD  behind  her) 
There's  a  pair  of  naturally  mated  doves,  (to  HAR- 
OLD) Don't  you  children  want  to  dance? 

(MUSIC— WALTZ) 
(Waltz  music  R.  u.  entrance) 
HAROLD.    (L.  behind  divan)   Do  I?  Listen  to  that 
Sylvia. 

(Lively   music,   waltz   refrain- — outside — lie   catches 
hold  of  her,  she  runs  to  entrance  R.  u.,  GERALD 
watching  SYLVIA  under  cover.) 
SYLVIA,    (at  R.  u.  entrance)   You'll  tell  me  when 
Mr.  David  comes. 

HELEN.  (L.,  smiling)  Yes,  Harold,  (calling  to 
HAROLD — who  is  about  to  exit  with  SYLVIA,  HAR- 
OLD crosses  to  her  L. — aside)  You'd  better  give  me 
the  name  of  your  story. 

(HAROLD  hesitates — then  bends  down,  whispers  in 
her  ear.  Exit  with  SYLVIA  dancing  ad  lib.  GER- 
ALD follows  them,  stands  at  entrance  watching 
them,  HARRIET  down  on  couch  R.,  visibly  offended, 
watching  him.  SAVAGE  x's  to  HELEN,  asks  her  to 
dance  in  pantomime — she  x's  with  SAVAGE  to 
R.  u.) 

GERALD,  (up  at  B.  u.  E.)  She  dances  like  a  fairy. 
How  she  flings  herself  about.  I'm  half  inclined  to 
try  a  round  with  her. 

HELEN,     (stops  at  entrance  to  GERALD — who  is 
watching  SYLVIA  off)    Gerald — ask  Harriet  to  dance. 
GERALD,     (shrugs  his  shoulders — crosses  down  to 
HARRIET  R.)    Do  you  care  to  dance? 

HARRIET,  (on  divan  R.  piqued)  You  certainly  do 
not. 

GERALD.  (L.  of  her  teasingly)  Oh! — I  see — you're 
jealous  of  our  little  "Phillis"  in  there. 

HARRIET.     Not  of  her,  because  I  know  she  could 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  37 

hold  you  no  longer  than  scores  of  others,  you  have 
been  in  love  with  her  for  a  week  or  two,  I  do  not 
expect  much  consideration  from  you,  but — you  need 
not  be  unnecessarily  brutal,  (her  voice  falters,  and 
she  drops  her  head) 

GERALD.  My  dear  old  girl — I  wouldn't  hurt  your 
feelings  for  the  world.  I  think  as  much  of  you — 
as  it  is  possible  for  me  to  think  of  anyone. 

HARRIET.    (R.)    Except  yourself. 

GERALD.  (R.  c.)  You're  mistaken — I  have  an  un- 
limited contempt  for  myself,  I've  never  done  a  par- 
ticle of  good  in  my  life,  but — I  haven't  harmed  any- 
one that  I  know  of — except  myself — and  if  you'll 
take  me  for  better,  or  worse — it  will  be  worse  in  this 
case — I'll  promise  not  to  starve,  or  beat  you — and — 
to  be  as  good  a  husband — as  I  possibly  can. 

HARRIET,  (rising,  stands  by  divan,  R.,  in  a  low 
voice — who  has  been  agitated  during  the  above)  Do 
you  really  mean  what  you  say? 

GERALD.  Certainly — it's  been  tacitly  understood 
between  us,  for  some  years,  I  believe.  (L.  of  her, 
takes  her  hands)  It  would  have  been  better  for  us 
both,  if  I  had  married  you  then,  and  not  waited 
till  the  bloom  faded  from  everything — and  I'd  lived 
it  all. 

(STOP  MUSIC) 

(SYLVIA  laughs  outside.) 

(His  face  lights  up)  What  an  infectious  laugh 
that  girl  has —  (goes  to  door  R.  u.  and  comes  down 
R.  of  HARRIET,  as  HARRIET  rises  x's  to  L.  1,  rings 
bell  on  table]  Well — Harriet — what  do  you  say? 

HARRIET.  (L.,  near  table,  looking  at  him)  I  say 
no — I  will  not — marry  you. 

GERALD,  (starting  back)    Harriet! 

(Enter  FLUNKEY  c.  from  L.) 


38  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

HARRIET.  You  do  not  care  for  me  enough  to 
marry  me.  You  have  simply  accustomed  yourself 
to  think — that  some  day — you  should  ask  me  to  be 
your  wife — there  is  nothing  in  it  for  either  of  us — 
is  nothing. 

(Enter  FLUNKEY  with  wrap,  c.  from  L.,   GERALD 
takes  it  from  him.   He  exits) 

GERALD,  (wrap  in  hand,  eagerly)  You  don't 
mean  it. 

HARRIET.     (L.  after  a  pause  he  puts  the  wrap 
around  her)    I  do  mean  it — it's  unalterable. 
(She  slowly  exits  c.     GERALD  drops  in  divan   L. 
speechless,  his  hands  in  pockets,  as  HELEN  en- 
ters R.  U.  E.) 

HELEN,    (coming  down  c.)   Where's  Harriet? 

GERALD.    (L.  on  divan  L.)    Gone. 

HELEN,    (c.)    What! — she  has  not — 

GERALD.     Eefused  me — yes. 

HELEN.  I  suppose  you  asked  her  in  such  an  in- 
different manner,  no  self-respecting  girl  could  accept 
you.  Gerald — you  ought  to  be  ashamed  of  yourself 
—you — 

(MUSIC— WALTZ)        + 

GERALD,  (rising,  int.)  See,  here,  Helen,  you'd 
better  stop  trying  to  marry  me  off,  if  you  put  me  in 
for  any  more  matrimonial  dinners — I  shall  do  as 
David  does — take  refuge  on  the  roof — I'll — I'll  go 
and  ask  Sylvia  to  dance  with  me.  (x's  up) 

HELEN,  (on  divan  L.)  Oh,  dear, — this  is  most 
annoying.  I  hope,  Gerald,  you  are  not  going  to  make 
a  fool  of  yourself  over  Sylvia.  (GERALD  exits  laugh- 
ing) (Enter  DAVID  c.  and  L.  very  excitedly — watch  in 
hand,  no  hat)  (down  c.)  Where's  Sylvia^ — don't  tell 
me  she's  run  away  again. 

HELEN,    (laughing)    No,  she's  dancing. 

DAVID,    (c.)    (with  a  reproachful  look)    I've  al- 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  39 

ways  condemned  dancing  as  an  idiotic  gyration  of 
the  body,  (x  to  R.  u.  E.)  (looks  off)  Sylvia  makes 
it  an  art — that's  a  very  pretty  dance,  (bus) 

HELEN,  (down  L.  watching  him)  She's  led  you 
a  pretty  dance,  my  poor  brother. 

(MUSIC  SWELLS) 

DAVID,  (still  at  entrance,  lost  in  admiring  con- 
templation of  SYLVIA,  laughing  to  himself  now  and 
then,  and  thoroughly  enjoying  himself) 

HELEN-.     David!  David!  David! 

DAVID,    (starting)    Yes,  yes —  (cross  to  her  L.) 

HELEN.    Sylvia's  a  great  care  to  you — Isn't  she? 

(STOP  MUSIC) 

DAVID,  (with  a  sigh)  The  child's  on  my  con- 
science. My  work  absorbs  my  life. 

HELEN.  The  only  way  to  assure  her  future — is 
to  have  her  well  married. 

DAVID.    Married ! 

HELEN.  I'll  introduce  her  formally  at  the  Patri- 
arch's ball,  when  I  get  her  properly  dressed — I 
think  she'll  make  a  sensation. 

DAVID,  (after  pause)  I  can't  think  of  anyone, 
most  of  my  acquaintances  are  poverty  stricken. 

HELEN.     I  know  one — Harold. 

DAVID,  (sitting  on  divan  n.  dejectedly)  Harold — 
Harold — there  is  nothing  to  be  said  against  him. 
(R.)  (brightening)  Except  his  poverty — he  couldn't 
marry  on  his  slender  salary,  he's  out  of  the  question. 

HELEN.  Oh,  you  can  arrange  all  that — give  him 
the  10,000  dollar  prize. 

DAVID.    (R.)    What? 

HELEN,    (c.)    He's  written  a  story — 

DAVID,  (int.)  Stop! — I  don't  want  to  know. 
(firing) 

HELEN.  It's  called  "A  BACHELOE'S  RO- 
MANCE." 


40  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

DAVID,  (standing  over  her  in  desperate  anger) 
Wretched  woman— what  have  you  done? 

HELEN,  (in  comic  dismay)  Oh — dear — anything 
very  dreadful? 

DAVID,  (pacing  up  an,d  down)  You've  lost  him 
the  prize. 

HELEN.     It's  a  good  story  then — eh? 

DAVID.    (K.  c.)    Yes,  the  best. 

HELEN.  Oh — what  luck  for  him — you'll  give  him 
the  prize. 

DAVID.  No — your  indiscretion,  and  my  friendship 
for  the  author,  puts  me  in  a  most  delicate  dilemma. 

HELEN.    Why? 

DAVID.  I  must  now  leave  the  decision  to  others, 
who  are  unbiased.  I  shall  resign  my  position  at 
once. 

HELEN,  (angrily)  David —  You  are  carrying 
conscientiousness  to  a  ridiculous  extreme.  His  story 
is  the  best,  you've  said  so — you  must  give  him  the 
prize. 

DAVID,  (c.  angrily)  I'll  do  nothing  of  the  kind. 
I  won't  have  my  affairs  interfered  with,  I  don't  see 
why  you  should  meddle  and  muddle,  and  tangle 
things  up  in  this  way. 

HELEN.  David — you  are  the  most  obstinate,  self- 
willed,  simple —  (x's  R.,  come  x's  E.) 

DAVID,  (c.,  loftily,  int.)  Helen — losing  your  tem- 
per only  makes  things  more  complicated— 

HELEN.  Oh !  Very  well — serves  me  right,  for 
trying  to  rid  you  of  a  burden — Now — you'll  have 
Sylvia  back  on  your  hands,  (back  to  E.  c.) 

DAVID,  (c.)  I  couldn't  have  anything  better  on 
my  hands — could — I?  I  don't  see  why  you  should 
consider  a  burden  of  people.  I  don't  see  why  she 
must  marry.  I  can  take  care  of  her,  as  long  as  she 
lives — I'm  only  too  glad — to  take  care  of  her,  as 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  41 

long  as  she  lives — you  are  a  foolish,  ignorant,  incon- 
sistent woman —  (x's  to  L.  c.) 

HELEN",  (int.)  David — losing  your  temper — only 
makes  matters  more  complicated. 

DAVID,  (sinks  back  in  chair  L.)  That's  what  Miss 
Clemantina  did — washed  her  hands  of  the  whole  affair. 
It's  remarkable  how  little  women  understand  of  their 
own  sex.  Fve  never  made  a  study  of  women — but  if 
I  put  my  mind  to  it,  I  think  I  could  manage  Sylvia. 
It  requires  a  little  patience,  and  a  large  quantity  of 
diplomacy. 

HELEN.  Settle  the  question  with  the  girl  your- 
self. I  wash  my  hands  of  the  whole  affair,  (exit) 

SYLVIA,  (enters  R.  u.  E.,  archway)  Oh,  here  you 
are.  I  knew  you  would  come  back. 

DAVID,  (in  a  conciliatory  manner)  I've  brought 
you  some  books.  (Takes  books  out  of  every  pocket) 

SYLVIA,  (makes  an  impulsive  rush  at  him)  Oh — 
you  darling — 

(DAVID  keeps  her  at  arm's  length,  putting  the  books 
in  her  hands,  retires  as  far  from  her  as  possi- 
ble. He  sits  on  arm-chair  L.  1  watching  her — 
a  little  on  the  defensive  and  very  reflectively) 

SYLVIA,  (sits  on  sofa  L.  opening  books)  Macau- 
lay,  (throws  book  down  on  table  L.  c.  with  a  grim- 
ace) History  of  Greece,  (puts  her  nose  in  the  air) 
Oliver  Wendell  Holmes — "Over  the  Teacups."  (hugs 
the  book  impulsively)  I  love  him — he's  a  funny,  old 
dear — like  you.  Just  read  this  (crosses  to  him,  sits 
on  the  arm  of  his  chair,  leans  over  him.  DAVID 
suddenly  starts  up,  dropping  SYLVIA  into  chair — 
crosses  to  sofa  E.  SYLVIA  laughing  to  herself  over 
book) 

DAVID,  (crossing  to  down  E.)  (watching  her  re- 
flectively) Sylvia,  would  you  like  to  live  here? 


42  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

SYLVIA,  (throws  down  book)  Well!  If  you  want 
the  truth — no/ 1  wouldn't. 

DAVID,    (drops)    Oh!    (sits  on  settee  n.) 

SYLVIA.  (L.)  It  don't  seem  real.  If  I  stayed 
here,  I  couldn't  be  just  Sylvia.  I'd  have  to  put  on 
like  the  rest,  and  I  promised  my  father — I'd  always 
be  honest  and  truthful  and  sincere — 

DAVID,  (aside)  Sylvia,  this  is  the  world — you 
have  felt  at  once  what  most  others  learn  with  bitter 
heartache,  and  disappointment.  Like  you — I  found  it 
out  in  time  and  left  it — to  be  my  own  natural  self, 
and  live  my  life — the  best — not  the  worst  way.  Sylvia 
— (in  rather  a  faint  voice)  Would  you  like  to  go  back 
to  Miss  Clemantina? 

(SYLVIA  looks  at  him  in  mute  reproach — starts  to 
cry) 

DAVID,  (rises  and  comes  c.,  in  an  agony  of  pain) 
Don't  cry — please  don't — I  didn't  mean  it — I'm  only 
trying  to  get  at  what  you — would  like. 

SYLVIA,  (brightening  up)  I'd  like  to  keep  house 
for  you —  (DAVID  recoils)  Well  for — somebody — I'd 
like  to  live  cosy  and  quiet — with  a  few  friends — and 
books — and — and — things. 

DAVID.  A  few  friends,  and  books  and  things — 
can  be  easily  managed.  But  the  somebody — you'd 
like  to  keep  house  for — takes  a  little  time.  Oh! 
Don't  worry,  Helen  is  going  to  decorate  you  with 
feathers,  and  war  paint,  and  take  you  to  the  Pa- 
triarch's Ball  next  week — no  doubt — you'll  find  a 
husband  there. 

SYLVIA.  Mr.  David — suppose  you  leave  the  mat- 
rimonial part  of  the  business  in  my  hands — I'll  at- 
tend to  that — myself. 

DAVID,  (relieved)  Will  you?  That's  very  good 
of  you. 

SYLVIA.  I'll  go  and  be  decorated  with  feathers, 
and  war-paint,  if  you  will  go  with  me — 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  43 

DAVID.    My  dear  child — I — 

SYLVIA.     It's  time  you  came  out — 

DAVID.    I  wouldn't  know  how  to  act  if  I  came  out. 

SYLVIA,  (working  herself  up}  They'll  say — who 
is  she?  Who  does  she  belong  to?  Where's  her 
father,  or  Uncle,  or  guardian?  You'll  do  the  pro- 
per thing,  won't  you?  I'll  come  in  on  your  arm, 
and  dance  the  first  dance  with  you. 

DAVID.  David  Holmes — dancing  at  an  evening 
party — what  a  cartoon  for  the  comic  papers.  But 
I'm  past  dancing. 

SYLVIA.     No — you're  not — try — don't  be  afraid, 
I'll   lead   you.       Now  put  your   arm   around  me. 
(DAVID  puts  left  arm  out  awkwardly) 

SYLVIA.  No — the  right  arm.  (puts  it  aroun.d 
her  waist) 

DAVID.     I — I've  forgotten  how — it's  so  long  ago. 

SYLVIA.  I'll  teach  you — it's  as  easy  as  can  be, 
see  now,  watch  my  feet,  (rises  her  skirts  daintily 
with  her  two  hands,  and  steps  out  with  one  foot) 
(DAVID  looks  at  feet,  then  quickly  turns  his  head 
away) 

SYLVIA  (dancing}  One,  two,  three — see — how 
easy  it  is.  Why — you're  not  looking. 

DAVID,  (has  the  back  of  his  head  turned  to  her) 
I  did  look — once. 

SYLVIA,  (dancing)  You  can't  learn  by  looking 
once — watch  how  I  do  it.  One  two — one  two — one  two. 
(bus.  of  stepping  out  in  dance) 

DAVID,  (watches  her  flit  about,  his  face  beaming 
with  delight)  (quoting  to  himself)  "Her  little  feet 
stole  in  and  out,  like  mice — from  underneath  her 
petticoat." 

(WALTZ  MUSIC  outside) 

SYLVIA.  There,  now — you'll  look  at  the  world 
from  another  side,  just  for  one  night.  It's  frivolous, 


44  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

but  it's  beautiful,  and  when  you're  dancing  with 
somebody  you  like,  and  the  music  plays  and  the  odor 
of  the  flowers,  and  everybody  is  happy  and  laughing, 
and  you  go  round  and  round —  And — you'll  dance 
the  first  dance  with  me. 

DAVID,  (recklessly)  The  first,  last,  every  one. 
How  does  it  go  ?  One  two — one  two — one  two.  (dance 
ad  lib.) 

(SYLVIA,  laughing  and  clapping  Tier  hands) 

(Enter  HELENA  GERALD  and  SAVAGE,  who  stand  in 
astonishment,  looking  at  DAVID  pirouetting 
round  and  round.) 

HELEN.    David !  What  are  you  doing  ? 
DAVID,     (with  a  smile)    I'm  practicing  my  one, 
two's.    I'm  going  to  the  ball  with  Sylvia. 

CURTAIN,     (all  laughing) 


ACT  III 

SCENE. — A  month  later.  David's  Study.  The  same 
as  Act  I.  The  "Night  of  the  Ball." 

DISCOVERED. — MARTIN  who  stands  surveying 
David's  desk,  which  is  in.  great  disorder,  scat- 
tered among  the  books  and  papers  are  different 
toilette  articles,  silver  hand-glass,  gentlemen's 
white  kid  gloves,  a  silk  handkerchief,  an  atom- 
izer, etc.  A  guitar  stands  against  foot  of  book- 
case R.  The  reading  light  on  David's  table  is 
out,  and  the  room  is  brilliantly  lit  by  side  brack- 
ets. The  door  to  staircase  is  open.  En,ter 
SAVAGE. 

(Candle  on  desk  L.) 

MARTIN.     (L.  of  desk  R.  shaking  his  head  dole- 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  45 

fully)  Never  since  Mr.  David  forsook  his  father's 
roof,  and  took  up  housekeeping,  have  I  seen  his  desk 
in  such  a  state. 

SAVAGE,  (enters  L.  peering  over  MARTIN'S  shoul- 
der) Anything  the  matter,  Martin? 

MARTIN",  (without  looking  round)  Matter — that's 
it — too  much  accumulated  matter — letters  unan- 
swered— books  unreviewed — next  week's  Editorial 
unwritten,  and — he's  dressing  for  a  Ball. 

SAVAGE.  It's  not  a  regulation  ball — it's  a  dance 
given  by  a  few  prominent  bachelors — in  return  for 
the  hospitality  extended  to  them  by  their  lady  friends 
during  the  winter.  See  I've  got  a  card —  (show 
card)  sent  by  a  pupil — Mrs.  Le  Grand — at  10 :30 — 
I  can't  go  till  12  :30 — Harold's  invited — so  we  divide 
the  evening  up —  (going  c.) 

MARTIN.  12 :30 — oh — I  forgot,  your  wardrobe's 
a  joint  stock  company. 

SAVAGE,  (up  c.)  I  shall  buy  him  out — Martin. 
He's  growing  too  stout — I  begin  to  feel  baggy  at 
the  knees  and  elbows. 

DAVID,    (singing  in  next  room  R.) 

"Of  all  the  girls  that  are  so  smart" 
"There's  none  like  pretty  Sally" 
"She's  the  darling  of  my  heart" 
"And  she  lives  in  our  ally." 

SAVAGE.    Who's  that? 

MARTIN.    (R.  at  desk,  solemnly)    Mr.  David. 

SAVAGE.    Ha,  ha,  ha! 

DAVID,    (singing  outside) 

"There's  no  lady  in  the  land" 
"Is  half  so  sweet  as  Sally-ee — ee 
(Swells  on  the  last  note) 

(SAVAGE  looks  at  MARTIN — MARTIN  looks  at  SAV- 
AGE) 

SAVAGE,    (c.)    What's  her  name,  Martin? 

MARTIN.    Her  ?— Who  ? 


46  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

SAVAGE.    The  woman  he's  in  love  with. 

MARTIN.  Oh,  don't  say  that  Mr.  Savage — don't 
say  such  a  terrible  calamity  is  going  to  fall  upon  us. 
(comes  to  L.) 

SAVAGE,  (at  table  R.  laughing)  (looks  at  papers 
on,  desk  R.)  This  looks  suspicious — Monday — con- 
cert with  Sylvia,  Tuesday,  shopping  with  Sylvia — 
Wednesday,  lecture  with  Sylvia — Thursday,  Bachel- 
or's Ball  with  Sylvia.  Her  name  is  Sylvia — he  calls 
her  Sally  for  short. 

MARTIN.  There's  a  letter  from  the  office — marked 
immediate — been  lying  on  his  desk  since  morning — 
do  you  think  I  can  get  him  to  open  it —  He  says, 
"presently, — Martin — presently,"  and  he  skips  about 
— practising  steps  for  the  ball,  (bus.) 

SAVAGE,  (laughing  R.)  And  it's  all  for  the  sake 
of  Sylvia. 

MARTIN.  (  L.  c.)  Never — since  the  day  he  for- 
sook his  father's  roof,  and  we  took  up  housekeeping 
in  one  room — has  he  been  in  love. 

SAVAGE.  (R.  c.)  Lucky  man — he's  just  come  in 
on  the  home  stretch. 

DAVID,  (entering  singing  L.)  "She's  the  darling 
of  my  heart"  "And  she  lives  in  our  ally"  (in  a  very 
light,  debonair  manner,  he  has  on  a  handsome  dress- 
ing gown,  patent  leather  shoes,  hair  well  dressed, 
just  from  the  hands  of  the  barber,  without  eye  glass- 
es, his  whole  appearance  well  cared  for,  in  contrast 
to  previous  acts.  (R.)  (lightly)  Hello  Savage — 
how  are  you — my  boy? 

SAVAGE,  (c.)  As  usual,  Mr.  Holmes — plenty  of 
health — but  very  little  money.  You  seem  in  remark- 
ably good  spirits  sir. 

DAVID,  (i.)  Why  not,  I've  had  a  very  gay  win- 
ter, and  tonight  is  the  last  flicker  of  the  midnight 
lamp, — before  it  goes  out — for  the  season.  You've 
eeen  my  ward — of  course — I've  had  a  miniature  of 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  47 

her  painted  on  ivory,  (takes  a  small  photograph 
case  out  of  pocket.) 

SAVAGE.     Sweet  face — Mr.  Holmes — very. 

DAVID.  (R.)  She's  a  favorite  wherever  she  goes — 
she  looks  on  me  as  her  only  relative — and  insists  on 
having  me  escort  her  everywhere. 

MARTIN.  (L.  eyeing  DAVID  disapprovingly)  What 
time  will  you  be  at  home,  sir? 

DAVID,  (singing  ad  lib.)  "I  won't  be  home  till 
morning — " 

SAVAGE,  (looking  at  MARTIN,  aside  on  sofa  c.)  I 
won't  be  there  till  morning — 

MARTIN.  And  what's  to  become  of  all  this  work — 
that's  been  lying  about  for  a  week. 

DAVID.  The  light  literature  is  accumulating  in 
a  most  appalling  manner,  (to  SAVAGE)  Just  run 
through  them,  will  you? 

MARTIN,    (horrified)    Run  through  them? 

SAVAGE,  (down  to  L.  of  desk  R.)  (picking  up 
books  eagerly)  Thank  you  Mr.  Holmes — thank  you 
very  much. 

DAVID,  (to  SAVAGE)  Write  something  of  a  no- 
tice, and  take  it  direct  to  the  office.  See  the  Editor 
— tell  him  it  is  to  take  the  place  this  week — of  my 
critical  review — er — er — and  sign  it — sign  it  "SAV- 

iGE." 

SAVAGE,  (stands  in  front  of  MARTIN'S  desk,  arms 
full  of  books.  His  face  a  study  of  delighted  surprise, 
drops  the  books  on  desk.)  Sign  it — at  last.  I  shall 
write  my  own  name — too  generous  of  you — It's  too 
generous  of  you  Mr.  Holmes,  (sits  down  L.  of  desk 
— quickly  begins  to  devour  the  books,  making  notes 
from  time  to  time  in  a  business-like  way  on  a  piece 
of  paper)  (lights  pipe) 

DAVID,  (to  R.  c.)  Don't  speak  of  it.  (spraying 
his  handkerchief  with  cologne)  Martin. 

MARTIN.    Yes  sir. 


48  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

DAVID,    (sternly)    Look  me  straight  in  the  eye. 

MARTIN,    (aside)    What  have  I  done  now? 

DAVID.  If  you  happened  to  meet  me  accidentally  in 
the  street,  and  did  not  know  me — how  young — would 
you  take  me  to  be? 

MARTIN.  If  I  did  not  know  you — I  probably 
wouldn't  give  it  a  thought. 

DAVID,  (impatiently)  Then  say — you  know  me, 
and  meet  me  in  the  street  accidentally  ?  How  young 
would  you  take  me  to  be? 

MARTIN.  If  I  knew  you  sir — I  would  in  all  prob- 
ability know  your  age,  and  there  would  be  no  occa- 
sion for  thought  in  the  matter. 

DAVID,  (disgustedly)  Martin,  you're  out  of  date 
you  don't  circulate — you're  on  the  shelf  for  good — 
get  out.  (takes  a  watch  and  fob  chain  from  pocket 
and  slings  it  lightly  into  his  vest  pocket)  "She's 
the  darling  of  my  heart"  (exit  humming  R.  D.) 

MARTIN.    Mr.  Savage,  he's  mad. 

SAVAGE.  He  is  mad,  Martin,  with  love,  it's  a 
delicious  madness,  an  ecstatic  madness — I'm  suffer- 
ing from  a  chronic  case  of  it  myself. 

(MARTIN  shakes  his  head  dolefully,  crosses  to  DAV- 
ID'S desk,  and  commences  to  put  it  in  order. 
MULBERRY  puts  head  in  door  L.  1  E.) 

MULBERRY,    (faintly)    Good  evening. 

(MARTIN  grunts  in  a  bad  tempered  way.  SAVAGE 
in  an  absent-minded  way.  MULBERRY  creeps  in 
room,  goes  up  ladder  to  bookcases.  Takes  an 
old  book  from  shelf,  gradually  becomes  absorbed 
in  book.) 

(Enter  MULBERRY  faintly) 

MULBERRY.  Good  evening,  (puts  hat  on  chair 
near  door.  SAVAGE  nods  gloomily,  x's  to  c)  There's 
a  cloud  on  the  brow  of  Phoebus  Apollo. 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  49 

MARTIN.    He's  in  love;  they're  all  in  love. 

SAVAGE.  There's  electricity  in  the  air,  you  don't 
feel  it,  you're  a  non-conductor — you  never  were  in 
love. 

MULBERRY,  (c.)  Every  man  to  his  hobby,  you  to 
your  sweetheart,  I  to  my  books —  (goes  up  c.,  sits  on 
ladder  and  reads) 

DAVID,  (enters  in  R.  D.  in  full  evening  dress, 
opera  hat  in  hand,  handsome,  cape  coat  slung  over 
his  arm.  He  stops  at  entrance,  watching  MARTIN 
standing  at  table,  who  had  taken  up  a  book  and  be- 
come interested  in  it.  SAVAGE  at  MARTIN'S  desk — 
MULBERRY  on  ladder — all  three  men  their  noses  on 
a  book,  oblivious  of  everything)  (R.,  contemplative- 
ly) And  I  spent  twenty  years  like  that —  (twangs 
the  guitar  which  he  finds  R.  hanging  by  bookcase) 
(the  three  men  start — and  drop  their  books)  Good 
evening,  Mulberry  (MARTIN  crosses  quietly  to  L.  and 
listens) 

MULBERRY,  (up  c.)  (who  has  fallen  down  ladder 
book  in  hand)  I  beg  ten  thousand  pardons,  Mr. 
Holmes,  I  was  just  running  through  the  book  shelves. 

DAVID,  (behind  desk  R.)  Shaking  hands  with  old 
friends — so  to  speak — eh,  Mulberry. 

MULBERRY,  (c.)  Yes,  they  are  all  marked  with 
my  pencil,  Many  and  many  a  night  I  sat  up  arguing 
the  question  on  the  margin  of  the  page —  My  shelves 
are  empty  now — they  are  all  gone — all  gone. 

DAVID.  Not  while  my  shelves  shelter  them — Mr. 
Mulberry.  Whenever  you  want  a  couple  of  the  boys 
to  take  home, — Johnson  to  drink  tea  with,  Oliver 
Goldsmith  to  whistle  and  laugh  with  you — when 
starvation  is  at  the  door — you're  heartily  welcome. 
I'm  going  out,  so  stay  a  while  with  your  old  friends 
of  Grub  Street  and — I  warrant  you'll  be  better  com- 
pany than  I  shall. 

MULBERRY,    (longingly)  Thank  you,  Mr.  Holmes 


60  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

— but  it  seems  like  selling  them — and  begging  them 
back.     Are  you  quite  sure  you  can  spare  them. 

DAVID.  Spare  them?  I've  no  use  for  them — I'm 
reading  a  page  of  fresh,  bubbling,  human  nature. 
I'm  unlearning  all  the  book  lore,  I  ever  knew — I'm 
learning  to  be  young  again — there's  a  science  in 
that — Mulberry — although  you  may  not  think  it. 
I've  resuscitated  my  old  songs — with  my  old  self. 
(snatching  down  guitar  from  wall,  R.  to  SAVAGE) 
Do  you  remember  this? — eh —  (sings  a  snatch  of  an 
old  English  song — Sweet  Evelina,  Dear  Evelina,  ad 
lib.)  Now  join  in  chorus — with  a  fol  de  lol  roll 
de  lol— 

(Bus.  for  MULBERRY  who  leans  forward — eyes  light- 
ing up — beating  time.  MULBERRY  with  a  crack- 
ed voice  (tenor)  SAVAGE  in  high  glee — join 
MARTIN  at  door  L.  very  stiff  and  solemn) 

DAVID.  AR.  singing  —  whack —  fol  —  de  roll  — 
Now,  once  again  boys —  (stops  as  Miss  CLEHANTINA 
appears  in  doorway — horror  stricken — DAVID  falls 
against  table,  guitar  in  hand,  stiff  and  starch) 

CLEMANTINA  (enters)  Good  evening,  Mr.  Holmes. 

DAVID,  (looking  askance  at  her)  Eh — good  eve- 
ning—  (twangs  guitar)  Eh — I — didn't  expect  you 
after  our  stormy  parting — Miss  Clemantina,  or  I 
should  have  provided  quite  another  form  of  enter- 
tainment. (MULBERRY  on  chair  and  SAVAGE  in  chair 
L.  snicker) 

CLEM,  (c.)  (  looks  around  sharply  to  MARTIN, 
who  stands  at  her  elbow)  What's  the  name  of  that 
—Gorilla? 

MARTIN.    (L.)    Mulberry — 

CLEM:.    (L.  c.)    And  that — jackanapes — 

MARTIN.    Savage. 

DAVID,  (taking  up  white  glove  from  table,  put- 
ting it  on)  Isn't  it  rather  late  for  you  to  be  prowl- 
ing about — 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  51 

CLEM.  I'm  old  enough  to  take  care  of  myself  sir 
— at  any  time,  (softening)  I'm  living  in  town  for 
a  few  days — I've  been  very  ill — and  the  doctor  ad- 
vised a  change  of  scene,  (sits  on  sofa) 

DAVID.   (E.)    I  wouldn't  think  it  to  look  at  you. 

CLEM.  Mr.  Holmes,  I  didn't  come  here  to  quarrel 
with  you — but  my  temper's  none  of  the  best — and  if 
you  keep  on  in  that  exasperating  way — I'll  break  out 
— I'm  not  sick  bodily — I'm  heart-sick.  (MARTIN  L. 
through  the  following — visibly  affected)  I  have  al- 
ways prided  myself  on  being  a  very  strong  character. 
Strong  enough  to  live  alone.  I  used  to  (on  settee) 
laugh,  and  toss  my  head  and  say — this  one's  not 
good  enough  for  me — that  one  don't  suit  me — but 
I've  made  a  great  mistake  Mr.  Holmes — we're  only 
human  after  all,  we  must  have  something  to  hang 
our  hearts  on — 

DAVID,  (half  abstractedly)  "Something  to  hang 
our  hearts  on" —  (MULBERRY  up  R.  sighs — MARTIN 
ditto — L.  of  settee.  SAVAGE  sighs) 

CLEM.  Someone  to  think  of  when  we  open  our 
eyes  in  the  morning.  Someone  to  say  "God  Bless 
You" — when  we  close  our  eyes  at  night.  My  Sally 
had  such  a  way  of  lighting  things  up — 

DAVID.    "A  way  of  lighting  things  up." 

CLEM.  She  used  to  sing  so  blithely  outside  my 
window  at  sunrise — I — couldn't  tell  which  was  the 
lark — and  which  was  Sally,  (goes  to  desk  R.)  Mr. 
Holmes — I  want — Sally  back  again — I  want  Sally 
back. 

DAVID,  (standing  R.  of  desk)  I'm  very  sorry  Miss 
Clemantina — but  she  has  become  necessary  to  us — 
We  can't  part  with  her. 

CLEM,  (on  chair  L.  of  table)  The  child's  not  in 
good  hands  Mr.  Holmes — I've  just  come  from  your 
sister's — Helen  was  always  a  silly  girl — and  she's  a 
frivolous  woman — There  was  poor  little  Sally — with 


62  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

a  hairdresser  and  dressmaker,  and  a  manicure,  and 
heavens  knows  what — fussing  and  pulling  her  about. 
She  threw  her  arms  around  my  neck  when  she  saw 
me — I — came  down  at  once  to  talk  it  over  with  you. 

DAVID.  Miss  Clemantina — you're  looking  at  this 
matter  from  a  most  Puritanical  point  of  view.  Syl- 
via is  very  well  looked  after — in  fact — I — myself — 
am  personally  superintending — her  daily  program. 

CLEM.  You — you — well — I've  changed  my  mind 
about  you  entirely  Mr.  Holmes.  I  thought  you'd  be 
a  good,  staid,  respectable,old  party — to  keep  the  child 
in  check,  and  I  come  up  here  and  find  a  rioting,  and 
a  bawling,  like  a  lot  of  sailors  in  a  tavern.  I  may 
as  well  speak  my  mind  while  I'm  at  it — I  don't  like 
the  looks  of  you  at  all. 

DAVID.  (R.  looking  himself  over)  Oh — you — 
don't — extraordinary — quite  extraordinary. 

CLEM,  (on  sofa)  That  rig  of  yours  is  foolish. 
You  look  ten  years  younger  than  you  are. 

DAVID.  It's  better  than  looking  ten  years  older, 
than  I  "are"  isn't  it? 

CLEM,  (snapping  her  fingers}  Oh,  very  well  sir — 
and  critic  of  people.  And  I  give  you  fair  warning — 
I  won't  stir  a  step  home  without  Sally — •  Now — • 
\Yhat  do  you  say  to  that? 

DAVID,  (singing  with  guitar)  "Whack  fol  de  roll 
de  roll—" 

CLEM,  (snapping  her  fingers')  Oh,  very  well  sir — 
whack  fol  de  roll  to  your  authority  sir — whack  fol  de 
roll— 

(MuLBEBRT  skips  down,  and  lows  low — likewise 
SAVAGE — all  dancing  to  DAVID'S  song — DAVID 
lowing — with  guitar  plays  the  refrain  of  song. 
CLEM,  exits  in  rage  L.) 

SAVAGE,  (throwing  himself  in  chair  L.  c.)  Ha, 
ha,  ha ! 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  53 

MARTIN,  (hopelessly)  It's  all  over  sir — she'll 
never  come  near  us  again. 

DAVID.     Never — 

MARTIN.  And  you  must  admit  you're  not  the 
same  man,  sir,  since — 

DAVID,  (c.)  (good  humorcdly)  (exit  to  c.)  It's 
miraculous — I'm  wondering  at  myself  continually — 
would  you  believe  it,  I'm  looking  forward  to  this 
dance  with  the  eagerness  of  a  young  girl  in  her  teens. 
When  I  leave  here  to-night — I  leave  twenty  years  be- 
hind me —  (stands  at  door  R.  looks  around  at  study) 
"Twenty  years  behind  me."  (about  to  exit  R.  D.) 

MARTIN.  (R.  of  desk)  (at  desk,  letter  in  hand) 
This  letter  sir — 

DAVID.    (R.  at  door)    What  letter? 

MARTIN.    From  the  office. 

DAVID.  (R.  door)  (impatiently)  I'll  read  it  to- 
morrow. 

MARTIN.  (R.)  It's  been  lying  on  your  desk  since 
this  morning — 

DAVID,  (in  an  aggravated  tone)  I  can't  touch  it 
with  these  white  gloves — read  it  yourself. 

MARTIN,  (opens  letter — reads)  "Friend  Holmes" 
— As  judge  in  our  story  contest,  we  decline  to  accept 
your  resignation.  We  are  pledged  to  the  public,  to 
render  a  decision  in  tomorrow's  issue,  and  we  appeal 
to  your  honor  not  to  desert  us  at  this  critical  moment. 

(During  the  al)ore,  DAVID  comes  to  c.,  gradually  has 
lost  his  air  of  lightness,  and  listens  intently  and 
gravely.  MULBERRY  also  dropped  his  book  and 
listens  eagerly,  also  SAVAGE.) 

DAVID,    (c.)  Signed — ? 
MARTIN.    (R.)    Lockwood — Proprietor. 
MULBERRY.    Mr.  Holmes,  you  resigned  then? 
SAVAGE.    (L.  in  despair)    How  could  you — we  all 
depend  upon  you. 


54  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

DAVID,  (c.  dryly]  Yes- — I  know  and  I  thought 
I'd  give  you  all  an  opportunity  to  depend  upon  your- 
selves. 

SAVAGE.    (L.)    You'll  reconsider  your  decision. 

DAVID.  I  must  do  my  duty,  (takes  of  his  gloves 
absent-mindedly,  throws  them  on  table) 

SAVAGE,    (timidly)    Have  you  read  them  all,  sir? 
(DAVID  at  desk  looks  up  at  MARTIN) 
(R.  lights) 

DAVID,  (looks  round  at  the  three  men  hanging 
on  his  words.  Then  with  a  smile  of  comprehension) 
— One  is  good — most  are  bad,  and  some  are  hopeless 
— one  especially — conceived  evidently  by  a  man  of 
absolutely  no  inventive  powers,  but  some  technical 
skill — a  literary  hack, — without  doubt. 

SAVAGE.    (L.  aside)    Mulberry. 

MULBERRY.    (L.  c.  aside)    Savage. 

DAVID,  (to  MARTIN,  who  leans  over  desk  in  crit- 
ical eagerness,  his  hands  trembling)  If  I  knew  the 
author — I  should  advise  him  to  withdraw  his  story 
from  the  competition — it  can  bring  him  neither  rep- 
utation or  pecuniary  reward,  (without  looking  up) 
Savage,  would  you  mind  calling  in  at  my  sister's — 

SAVAGE,    (ecstatically)    Would  I  mind? 

DAVID.  — And  ask — if  they  won't  all  come  down 
here  for  me —  (SAVAGE  during  this  has  taken  hat 
from  mantel  shelf  and  flies  out  of  the  door  L.  D.) 
and  Savage — 

MARTIN.    (R.  behind  drop)   He's  gone,  sir. 

MULBERRY,     (dryly)     Very  much   gone — on  the 
lady — I  should  say —  (chuckles  faintly,  as  MARTIN 
makes  a  peremptory  sign  to  MULBERRY  to  exit) 
(MUSIC) 

MARTIN,    (at  DAVID'S  elbow)    Mr.  David — would 
you  mind  letting  me  see  the  "Hopeless  Story" 
(MUSIC) 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  55 

(DAVID  looks  up  quickly  at  MARTIN,  then  hands  him 
the  story — MARTIN  crosses  to  c. — looks  at  it 
eagerly — DAVID  watching  him)  (turns  down 
lamp  on  desk  R.) 

(LIGHTS  DOWN) 

MARTIN,  (crosses  to  fireplace — gives  one  quick 
look  at  DAVID,  whose  head  is  bent  down  over  desk, 
then  throws  the  manuscript  into  fire — watching  it  burn 
— pitifully  agitated.  DAVID  rises  quietly — crosses  to 
MARTIN  who  turns  from  fire,  finds  himself  face  to 
face  with  DAVID,  who  extends  his  hand,  and  grasps 
MARTIN'S  firmly)  (with  averted  eyes)  I'm  used  to 
it — sir — I've  been  a  failure  all  my  life — I  think  it's 
all  Miss  Clemantina's  fault. 

DAVID.    Miss  Clemantina. 

MARTIN.  Yes — long  ago — she  was  just  such  an- 
other— as — Miss  Sylvia.  Of  course — she  couldn't 
care  for  an  old  fellow  almost — twice  her  age. 

DAVID,    (troubled)    Twice  her  age. 

MARTIN.  She  wound  herself  about  me — with  her 
saucy  ways. 

DAVID.    I  can  understand  that,  Martin. 

MARTIN.  It  was  a  great  disappointment — some- 
how— after  that,  I  failed  in  everything — anything 
more,  sir? 

DAVID,  (abstractedly)  No,  Martin —  (exit  MAR- 
TIN L.  1  E.)  (stop  music)  A  man  twice  her  age — 
Martin  was  a  fool — to  expect  it — A  Bachelor's  Ro- 
mance— I  wish  Helen  had  not  told  me,  it  was  Har- 
old's— I  must  read  it  again,  and  try  to  consider  it 
from  an  impersonal  standpoint. 

HAROLD,  (puts  his  head  in  door  L.  1  E.  in  full 
evening  dress)  May  I  come  in  Mr.  Holmes? 

DAVID,    (starting)    Harold! 

HAROLD.    (L.  c.)    I'm  on  my  way  up  to  your  sis- 


56  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

ter's — I  thought  I  might  catch  you,  and  we'd  go 
together. 

DAVID.  (R.)  As  I  was  starting  off,  some  unex- 
pected work  dropped  in  on  me. 

HAROLD.  Then — it's  no  use  waiting — I  suppose — 
(DAVID'S  head  down,  over  desk — HAROLD  goes  to 
door,  L.  comes  back  to  L.  of  desk  R.)  Mr.  Holmes — 
(DAVID  looks  up  with  an  annoyed  expression)  I 
wanted  to  speak  to  you  about  Sylvia —  (DAVID'S  ex- 
pression changes  to  one  of  interest)  You're  such  a 
busy  man — she  must  be  a  great  responsibility  to  you. 

DAVID.     She's  on  my  mind  a  great  deal. 

HAROLD.  I  think  she's  a  sweet  girl  Mr.  Holmes 
— I've  never  met  a  sweeter  girl.  In  fact,  I'm  sure 
ehe's  the  very  sweetest  girl  on  earth,  (looks  at  DAVID 
rather  timidly) 

DAVID.  (R.  dryly)  If  you  are  ready  to  open  a 
debate  on  that  subject,  you'll  have  to  find  another 
opponent — as  I  am  entirely  of  your  opinion. 

HAROLD,  (brightening)  I've  had  a  long  talk  with 
your  sister.  Your  sister  says,  she  is  in  your  way 
and  if  you  have  no  objection — I — I'd  like  very  much 
to  take  her  off  your  hands. 

DAVID.  Take  her  off  my  hands — I  don't  quite 
understand. 

HAROLD.  I — I — mean  to  marry  her — when  my 
prospects  are  better,  of  course — will  you  speak  a  good 
word  for  me  ? 

DAVID,  (falling  back)  Er — er — me — to  speak — 
for  you —  Does  she  care — 

HAROLD,  (at  desk)  I  hope  I'm  not  asking  too 
much  of  you,  Mr.  Holmes?  (looks  down  at  desk, 
starts  back,  to  c.,  staggering)  My  story —  (puts  his 
hand  to  his  head) 

DAVID,  (coming  down  L.  of  his  desk)  I'll — I'll 
think  it  over  Harold. 

HAROLD,  (gratefully)    Thank  you,  thank  you,  sir, 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  57 

— Mr.  Holmes —  Do  you  think  I  can  write  a  good 
story? 

DAVID,  (looking  at  desk  on  the  L.)  I  know  you 
can. 

HAROLD,  (wild  with  joy)  Oh  sir — you  don't  know 
how  happy  you've  made  me — you  can  do  so  much 
for  me  in  every  way,  if  you  want  to. 

DAVID,  (puts  his  arms  round  him)  I  do  want  to, 
Harold,  my  boy — I  do — but —  (abruptly  turning 
away)  You'd  better  go  now  and  let  me  do  my  work 
—I  have  an  important  question  to  decide  tonight. 

HAROLD,  (c.)  (aside)  Tonight,  then  I  won't  keep 
you — I'll  roam  about  for  an  hour,  and  come  back 
for  you — 

DAVID.    (at  L.  of  desk)    Yes — do — 

HAROLD,  (going  to  L.  D.  aside)  Will  he  give  me 
the  prize — will  he?  (exit  L.  D.) 

DAVID,  (stands  L.  of  desk — looking  after  him)  I 
envy  that  boy  his  youth.  (  goes  back  to  desk,  on  the 
R.  of  it,  sits  down,  becomes  gradually  engrossed  in 
story)  Very  good,  excellently  thought  out — far 
ahead  of  any  of  the  others —  (still  seated)  The  love 
interest  is  so  delicate,  and  fresh.  The  first  love  story 
— that  has  interested  me  in  years.  There's  no  doubt 
of  it.  Harold  deserves  the  prize.  $10,000  a  nice 
little  nest  egg  to  start  housekeeping  with.  He  seems 
sure  of  Sylvia — naturally — they  are  both  young  and 
—  (despairingly)  How  I  have  struggled  and  starved 
for  years — it  was  out  of  the  question  for  me  to  think 
of  marriage — if  I  give  him  this  money — he  will 
marry  at  once,  (fiercely)  I'll  make  that  impossible. 
(takes  up  M.  S.)  Here's  another — I  know  the  style 
— it's  Savage's — he's  had  a  hard  battle  to  fight — poor 
devil — it's  his  turn  first — Harold  can  wait — yes — 
Savage  is  my  man — I'LL  give  the  prize  to  Savage. 

(The  door  opens  softly,  strong  light  in  hall — shows 


58  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

SYLVIA  enveloped  in  long  cloak — she  looks  in 
the  room,  sees  DAVID  at  desk.  Enters  quietly, 
throws  off  her  cloak,  shows  a  full  dress  ball  toi- 
lette, stands  up  stage,  moonlight  from  window 
envelopes  her) 

DAVID,  (rubbing  his  eyes)  Wonderful — the  imag- 
ination, I  can  see  her  standing  over  there,  as  dis- 
tinctly as  possible,  —  most  life  like —  (crosses  to 
where  SYLVIA  stands,  she  dodges  him,  and  gets  out 
of  his  way  towards  R.  desk)  How  fanciful  I  am — 
it's  nobody  of  course,  (turns  and  sees  SYLVIA  stand- 
ing by  his  desk)  There's  the  illusion  again  over 
there — this  won't  do — I  must  drive  it  away,  (as 
SYLVIA  advances  to  him  c.  he  starts  back — SYLVIA 
laughing,  extends  both  her  hands) 

DAVID.    (L.  c.)    (delightedly  grasping  it)   Sylvia. 

SYLVIA.  (R.  c.)  I've  run  away  again.  Mr.  Sav- 
age seemed  to  have  so  much  to  say  to  Helen,  I  grew 
tired  of  waiting — I  jumped  into  the  carriage  and 
came  down  to  keep  you  company;  you're  not  a  bit 
glad  to  see  me. 

DAVID.  Not  glad,  (lays  his  hand  softly  on  her 
hand) 

SYLVIA.  Come,  go  back  to  your  desk,  and  I  will 
sit  by  you  and  keep  you  company,  (leads  him  to 
desk  and  jumps  upon  desk  in  front)  What's  the 
unexpected  work?  Prize  story — eh — I  knew  it. 

DAVID,    (seated  R.  of  desk  R.)    You  knew  it? 

SYLVIA,  (seated  in  front  of  desk)  Certainly — I 
was  sure  they  wouldn't  accept  your  resignation,  it's 
not  so  easy  to  find  a  conscientious,  honorable  man. 

DAVID.  Honorable — conscientious —  (sloivly)  But 
suppose  I  was  not  worthy  of  the  confidence  reposed 
in  me,  suppose  I  had  some  personal  interest  of  my 
own,  in  giving  the  prize  to  the  man — who  did  not 
deserve  it. 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  59 

SYLVIA.    You — 

DAVID.    Imagine  the  case  that  way. 

SYLVIA.  (indignantly)  I  can't — since  I  was 
seven  years  old — and  I  read  papa's  letter  about  you 
— I  always  thought  of  you  differently  from  the  others 
better — than  the  others,  and  it's  grown  up  with  me, 
as  I  have  grown — if  any  one  else  hinted  such  a  thing 
about  you — I  would  take  it  as  a  personal  insult — 
There. 

DAVID,  (wiping  his  forehead)  Don't  get  so 
worked  up  about  it  child — I  was  only  joking. 

SYLVIA,  (aside — talcing  DAVID  in)  Mr.  David 
looks  very  nice  tonight. 

(DAVID  turns,  catches  her  looking  at  him) 

SYLVIA.  Mr.  David — I  wonder — I  won't  ask  you 
who  is  going  to  get  the  prize,  but  you  can  tell  me — 
what  the  story  is  about,  can't  you. 

DAVID.  It's  about  a  young  man  just  entering  the 
battle  of  life,  full  of  strength  and  courage  like  Har- 
old, and  an  old  man  world-weary,  tired,  and  used 
up — like  me. 

SYLVIA,    (comprehensively)    Like  you? 

(READY  WHISTLE) 

DAVID.  And  a  young  girl,  sweet  and  good — 
who  came  into  this  world-weary  man's  life,  like  a 
sudden  burst  of  music,  into  a  long,  solemn  silence-' 
— and — then — 

SYLVIA,  (listens  with  bated  breath)  "And  then"— 

DAVID,  (watching  her)  "The  young  man  loved 
her  of  course." 

SYLVIA,  (coquettishly,  tossing  her  head)  Of 
course — 

DAVID.  "And  she  loved  the  young  man — of 
course." 

SYLVIA.     Oh!    you're   making   it   up  --  but   the 


60  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

most  important — who   does   she  marry?     Tell  me 
quick  ? 

DAVID,  (puts  his  hand  on  hers)  She  marries — 
who  would  she  be  likely  to  marry?  Sylvia. 

SYLVIA,  (looking  back  at  him  solemnly)  She'd 
be  likely  to  marry  the  man — she  loves. 

DAVID,  (putting  his  hand  on  hers)  "The  man 
she  loves"  (bus.)  (a  whistle  heard  up  the  tube,  both 
jump)  (angrily)  Some  meddlesome  intruder — • 
(crosses  to  door,  exit  in  hall  L.  1  E.) 

SYLVIA.  Oh,  dear.  I  never  get  a  moment  to  talk 
to  you,  Mr.  David.  Poor,  quiet  Mr.  David — 

SAVAGE,  (outside)  This  way,  Mrs.  Le  Grand. 
Be  careful  of  that  last  step.  I'll  open  the  door  for 
you. 

SYLVIA,    (sitting  up)    Here  they  are. 
.     HELEN,    (enters  L.  D.  in  ball  attire,  followed  bi/ 
SAVAGE,  with  a  pile  of  books  on  his  arm — bus.  of 
dropping  them  one  by  one  in  embarrassment)    (sits 
on  sofa)     Oh,  those  stairs ! 

SAVAGE,      (follow  HELEN)      Oh,  the  pity  of  it. 

(SYLVIA  has  retired — goes  up  ladder,  out  window, 
onto  roof,  exits.) 

HELEN.  Of  what? 

SAVAGE.  You  would  be  perfect  if  you  had  a 
heart. 

HELEN,  (laughing)    A  heart! 

SAVAGE.  Be  natural. 

HELEN.  Oh,  I  am  perfectly  natural,  (takes  out 
powder  puff  and  glass — powders  her  face) 

SAVAGE.  Go  back  to  nature.     Eise  with  the  sun. 

HELEN.  And  go  to  bed  with  the  chickens. 

SAVAGE.  Listen  to  your  natural  impulses. 

HELEN.  Oh,  I  dare  not! 

SAVAGE.  Oh,  yes,  you  dare.  What  is  natural  is 
true. 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  61 

HELEN.  Well,  I'll  test  your  theory  of  naturalism. 
I'll  take  Gerald  to  spend  the  summer  with  Miss 
Clemantina.  Keal,  old-fashioned  farm  life.  Perhaps 
I  shall  hear  something  wonderful  there. 

SAVAGE.  You  will.  The  wonder  is  always  there. 
But  we  must  open  our  ears,  our  hearts,  to  the 
wonder. 

HELEN.    What  is  it? 

SAVAGE.    Love. 

DAVID,  (outside)  Enter,  please.  Such  an  array 
of  color  in  my  sombre  dwelling  is  indeed  rare. 

(SAVAGE  drops  HELEN'S  hand.    Goes  up.) 

HARRIET.  (L.  enters  L.  D.,  looks  about)  What  a 
quaint  old  place! 

HELEN,    (embarrassed,  sharply)  Where  is  Sylvia? 

DAVID,  (c.)  I  left  her  here —  (looks  about,  under 
table,  etc.,  going  up  c.  towards  Cupola) 

HELEN,  (with  smelling  salts)  (K.  c.)  It's  really 
very  inconsiderate  of  her,  running  off  in  such  an 
untrained  fashion — she  keeps  me  continually  on  the 
alert.  Now,  Mr.  Savage,  shall  I  keep  a  dance  for 
you  before  or  after  supper? 

SAVAGE,  (x  to  c.)  (intensely)  12:30 — If  I  live 
and  "Harold"  don't  fail  me. 

HELEN.    (L.  c.)    Why? 

SAVAGE,  (embarrassed)  Well,  you  see — ;  step 
into  his  shoes — I  mean  he  steps  into  mine —  Our 
shoes —  (aside)  Stretches  them  out  with  his  big 
feet,  (aside,  coming  to  door  R.)  (at  entrance)  Oh, 
if  I  owned  a  dress  suit,  I'd  conquer  the  world.  (HEL- 
EN looks  at  him,  half  laughing,  half  sad)  (HARRIET 
remains,  on  entering,  near  door  L.)  (SYLVIA  SOMERS 
puts  head  in  window  c.) 

SYLVIA,  (up  in  Cupola  c.)  It's  perfectly  glorious 
—up  here — come  up — it  won't  spoil  your  dresses. 


62  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

HELEN,  (on  ladder.  SAVAGE  helps  Tier  up)  David 
how  long  are  you  going  to  keep  us  waiting? 

DAVID.  Not  long — if  you'll  give  me  a  chance  to 
finish  my  work.  Savage — take  the  ladies  up  on  the 
roof.  Tune  the  light  guitar  for  the  ladies — Savage. 
The  floor  is  well  swept  with  the  breezes  of  night  and 
it's  gloriously  illuminated  by  that  "orbed  maiden 
with  white  fire  laden  whom  mortals  call  the  moon." 
(exit  HELEN  and  SAVAGE  on  roof)  (GERALD'S  voice 
is  heard  grumbling  about  the  stairs  off  L.)  There's 
Gerald  now — I'll  leave  him  to  you  Miss  Harriet. 
(exits  L.  2  E. — as  GERALD  stumbles  into  room  from 
L.  He  has  been  drinking  enough  to  make  him  quar- 
relsome, but  he  is  not  intoxicated)  (HARRIET  comes 
to  R.) 

GERALD,  (stumbling  over  MARTIN'S  desk  L.)  Con- 
found it  David — you're  leading  us  a  pretty  dance — 
dragging  us  up  these  endless — dark  stairs —  (sees 
HARRIET  R.  c.)  Oh! — I  beg  ten  thousand  pardons 
— Miss  Leicester —  (takes  off  hat) 

(HARRIET  R.  c.) 

GERALD,  (laughs)  (HARRIET  crosses  up  to  stairs 
c.)  You're  not  going — I'm  not  fit  company  for  my- 
self tonight — 

HARRIET.  (L.  c.)  (coming  down  L.  c.)  Then  you 
should  have  better  taste — than  to  inflict  yourself 
upon  others — 

GERALD.  (R.  c.)  (taking  her  in)  Haven't  you 
been  sulking  long  enough? — I — I  can't  get  along 
without  you —  (hold  out  his  hand  with  a  winning 
smile)  No — then — anything  you  say — I'll  compro- 
mise on  your  own  terms,  (between  his  teeth)  D • 

it— 

HARRIET,  (turns,  goes  up  ladder  c.)  I  should  try 
and  control  my  temper — if  I  were  you — or  you  will 
disenchant  the  next  favored  one,  sooner  than  even — 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  63 

your  ever  fickle  fancy  could  desire —  (exits  up  ladder 
c.  onto  roof) 

GERALD.    Harriet,  I  say — Harriet — I  never  would 
have  believed  you  could  be  so  disagreeable.     These 
confounded  women, — a  man  never  knows  how  to  take ' 
them. 

(SYLVIA  SOMERS  enters  through  a  window  c. — over 
bookcase) 

GERALD,  (aside)  Ah ! — Sylvia,  (goes  gently  up 
to  L.  foot  of  ladder,  so  SYLVIA  cannot  see  him) 

SYLVIA,  (hopping  on  one  foot)  Oh — dear — I 
nearly  twisted  my  ankle,  getting  around  here — I — 
wonder — if  I  can  get  down  this  way. 

GERALD,  (on  ladder)  Not  without  my  permis- 
sion— fair  lady. 

SYLVIA,     (shrinking  back)    Mr.  Gerald! — 

GERALD.    Are  you  afraid  of  me? 

SYLVIA.    No — I'm  not — 

GERALD.  Then  why  do  you  shrink  away?  Give 
me  your  hand — little  one.  Am  I  so  distasteful  to 
you? 

SYLVIA,  (on  top  of  ladder)  You're  Mr.  David's 
brother. 

GE^ULD.  Ah! — that  raises  me  in  your  estimation 
— give  Mr.  David's  brother  your  hand.  (SYLVIA  ex- 
tends her  hand — and  he  draws  her  half  way  down 
the  ladder,  she  tries  to  draw  her  hand  from  his,  and 
he  takes  her  forcibly  in  his  arms,  and  swings  her  to 
the  ground  on  his  L.)  Now — what  do  I  get  for  my 
trouble  ? 

SYLVIA.    (L.  in  terror)    Mr.  Gerald! — 

GERALD,    (c.)    A  kiss — 
.  SYLVIA.    How  dare  you — let  me  go — 

GERALD,  (laughing)  Of  course — you'll  resist — 
I  must — 


64  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

SYLVIA.    (L.  c.)    (screams)    Ah! 

DAVID,  (enters  quickly  R.  D.  2  E)  Gerald!  (Ger- 
ALD  releases  SYLVIA,  who  sinks  on  sofa  c.  L.  of  desk 
R.,  covers  her  face  with  her  hands) 

GERALD,  (c.  laughing  uneasily  —  and  sobered) 
Don't  look  so  horrified — David — there's  nothing  so 
very  terrible — in  trying  to  steal  a  kiss  from  a  pretty 
girl. 

DAVID.    (R.  fiercely)    Silence! 

SYLVIA,    (rushing  between  them)    Mr.  David. 

DAVID,  (pushing  her  gently  towards  the  staircase) 
Go  Sylvia — go  with  the  others. 

SYLVIA.  Oh! — no — I  don't  want  them  to  know. 
(puts  up  her  face  wet  with  tears)  (DAVID  kindly 
leading  her  to  door  B.)  (at  entrance)  You  won't 
quarrel  with  him?  (exit  R.  2  E.) 

DAVID,  (exits  to  c.  quietly)  When  I  brought  the 
child  to  Helen — I  did  not  think  my  brother  would 
be  the  one  to  make  me  regret  it.  This  last  insult — 
(GERALD  rises  half  ashamed) 

GERALD.  (L.  c.)  Insult — that's  entirely  too  severe 
a  word,  I  wouldn't  harm  Sylvia  for  the  world — I'm 
— I'm  very  fond  of  her,  and  I'm  not  such  a  libertine, 
as  you  imagine!  She'd  make  a  splendid  wife — 
wouldn't  she?  (DAVID  starts)  If  I  must  marry — 

DAVID.    (R.  c.)    No!  No! 

GERALD,    (angrily)    What  do  you  mean  by  that? 

DAVID.    (R.  c.  excitedly)    It  would  be  a  sacrilege. 

GERALD,  (sneeringly)  Very  flattering — I'm  sure 
— but  your  opinion  doesn't  matter.  I'll  run  off  with 
her,  she's  good  at  that. 

DAVID,  (interrupting)  I  forbid  you  as  her  guar- 
dian— to  speak  a  word  of  love  to  that  child. 

GERALD,  (laughing)  (derisively)  I'll  show  you 
how  that  child  will  take  to  my  words  of  love — how 
naturally  she  will  return  them. 

DAVID,    (beside  himself,  rushing  at  GERALD,  with 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  65 

uplifted  arm)  YOU  SHALL  NOT  I'LL— I'LL 
(GERALD  stands  unflinchingly — DAVID  drops  his 
arm  to  his  side) 

GERALD,  (in  low  intense  tones)  By  what  right — 
do  you  sit  in  judgment  on  me,  I'm  a  pleasure  seeker 
— I  admit  it — but  at  least — a  man  of  flesh  and 
blood,  (DAVID  winces)  But  I  quite  understand  your 
motive  in  this  case,  you're  horror  stricken,  if  I  speak 
to  Sylvia.  You're  in  agony,  when  I  dance  with  her, 
you're  jealous  not  only  of  me,  but  of  every  man — 
who  approaches  her. 

DAVID.  (R.  c.)  (dazed)  Jealous! — why — should 
I  be— 

GERALD.  (L.  c.)  (interrupting)  Why! — because — 
you  are  in  love  with  her — Ah  ! — deny  it — if  you  can 

—  (DAVID  puts  his  hand  to  his  head,  staggers  against 
desk  R.) 

GERALD,  (going  to  him,  towards  R.  c.)  (alarmed) 
David — old  chap — I  didn't  mean — I— I — I'm  excit- 
able tonight — I — 

DAVID.  In  love! —  In  love! —  Yes — but  I  have 
never  called  it  by  that  name — even  to  myself.  Ha! 
Ha! —  An  ascetic  (longingly)  It's  too  late  for  me 

—  (then  with  a  yearning  cry)    Gerald — is  it  too 
late? 

GERALD  Brother!  I — I  hate  to  say  it — but  if 
you  ask  me — it  would  be  the  worst  of  folly  for  you 
to  marry  a  young  girl — and  I'm — I'm  afraid  you 
wouldn't  have  very  much  chance  with  Sylvia — 

(DAVID  who  has  been  gazing  eagerly  into  GERALD'S 
face,  releases  his  arm  and  sinks  back  in  chair 
by  desk) 

DAVID.  Yes — yes — you're  right.  She  is  not  for 
us — but — for  one  of  her  own  tastes,  and  age,  who 
loves  her  and  whom  she  loves  in  return.  Not  for  ug. 
Not  for  us. 


66  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

GERALD,  (c.)  No  woman  is  worth  it.  I — I — 
wish  we  had  kept  together,  as  brothers  should — 
perhaps  you  would  have  gotten  more  out  of  life — 
I — less,  (slowly)  (shudders)  Ugh.  (in  old  reck- 
less tone)  This  place  is  enough  to  give  a  man  the 
blues.  I'll  go  ahead,  and  see  we  get  something  fit 
to  drink. 

(GERALD  stops  at  entrance  R.,   looks  at  DAVID — 
then  exits  L.  lightly) 

DAVID,  (stands  hopeless)  (SYLVIA  appears  in 
doorway  L.,  comes  down  to  DAVID  timidly)  (he 
grasps  her  hand)  (excitedly)  (rise)  It  wasn't  fair 

to  you — poor  child.  It  was  selfish,  criminal.  1 

will  make  it  right  for  you — for  Harold.  He  loves 
you.  He's  worthy  of  you — you  shall  be  his  wife. 

SYLVIA.  Harold's  wife! — you  want  me  to  marry 
Harold? 

(HAEOLD  appears  at  door  L.  SYLVIA  with  a  little 
sob  of  disappointment — goes  up  stage — HAR- 
OLD crosses  to  DAVID) 

DAVID,  (puts  his  arm  about  HAROLD'S  shoul- 
ders) Harold  my  boy —  (indicates  SYLVIA) 

HAROLD,  (joyously)  (DAVID  nods.  HAROLD 
rushes  up  stage  to  SYLVIA.  DAVID  moves  to  door 
w.  and  stands  with  knob  in  hand,  door  between  him 
and  them) 

HAROLD.  I  want  to  tell  you  myself — how  much 
I  love  you.  I  wanted  to  tell  you  ever  so  long  ago, 
but  I  was  afraid — think  of  it  dear — a  big  fellow 
like  me — afraid  of  such  a  little  girl.  There's  a 
star  just  over  my  window — I  call  Sylvia,  all  my 
stories — I'll  dedicate  to  Sylvia — I  dedicate  my  life 
to  Sylvia — if  she'll  let  me.  (DAVID  softly  shuts  the 
door)  Sylvia — do  you  love  me? — 

SYLVIA.     I — I  have  never  thought  of  love  seri- 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  6T 

ously.  (tn  a  forlorn  way)  I'm  all  alone  in  the 
world.  Nobody  seems  to  want  me.  Mr.  David  has 
no  time  for  his  friend's  little  girl.  He  promised  to 
take  care  of  me,  and  he  hasn't  kept  his  word. 

HAROLD.  He's  going  to  do  so  much  for  us  in  the 
future  Sylvia —  If  you  will  marry  me — 

SYLVIA,  (c.  down)  (recoiling  down  stage — with 
a  cry)  Oh! — no — not  now —  Not  now  Harold — 
(  HELEN"  enters  c.,  followed  by  SAVAGE  and  HAR- 
RIET who  join  HAROLD  up  stage,  as  SYLVIA  throws 
herself  into  HELEN'S  arms)  Mr.  David — wants  me 
to  marry  Harold. 

HELEN.  (L.  c.)  Has  he  asked  you?  That's  good 
— it  will  simplify  matters  for  us  all.  Poor  David, 
he's  not  used  to  girls,  and  it  will  be  a  great  burden 
off  his  shoulders.  (HELEN  goes  toward  L.  All  shake 
hands  with  HAROLD.  HARRIET  kisses  SYLVIA.  General 
congratulations. ) 

SYLVIA,    (c.)   (recoiling)    I'm  a  burden  to  him — 

HELEN.  (Enter  DAVID)     David! — (he  has  his  old 

coat  on  and  spectacles,  looks  bent  and  old.  Sits  down. 
Quietly  withont  looking  up  goes  to  his  desk) 

DAVID.    (R.)    Don't  wait  for  me — I  am  not  going. 
SYLVIA,    (c.)    (aside)    Not  going. 

HELEN.  (R.  c.)  But  David — I  have  some  good 
news  for  you. 

DAVID,  (impatiently)  Yes — I  know  all  about  it. 
(HELEN,  SAVAGE  and  HARRIET  crowd  round  desk, 
except  SYLVIA)  Please  go  away — good  people — go 
and  enjoy  yourselves — I  shall  never  get  through 
my  work — good  night  to  you  all —  (aside  to  HELEN 
despairingly)  Helen  my  girl — take  them  away. 


68  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

HAROLD,  (comes  to  L.  c.  L.  of  HELEN)  (HELEN) 
It's  the  prize  contest  that  bothers  him — there  is  so 
much  depending  on  it,  for  us  all. 

HELEN,  (comes  to  R.  c.  R.  of  SAVAGE)  Come — 
(crosses  to  entrance  L.  and  exits,  followed  by  HAR- 
RIET and  SAVAGE.) 

(HAROLD  comes  down  with  SYLVIA'S  cloak,  wraps  it 
around  her.)  (SYLVIA  looks  at  DAVID — who 
has  his  head  bent  over  desk.  After  a  pause 
extends  her  hand  to  HAROLD,  who  kisses  it. 
Leads  her  towards  entrance  R.  MARTIN  enters 
R.  noiselessly  from  right  and  puts  out  light  on 
DAVID'S  desk,  as  SYLVIA  with  a  last  look  back 
at  DAVID,  passes  out.  Sounds  of  laughing  out- 
side, DAVID  raises  his  head  from  desk,  and  lis- 
tens eagerly.)  (Laughter  gradually  dying  away. 
DAVID  drops  his  head  on  desk.  MARTIN  behind 
DAVID'S  desk  R.) 

MARTIN.     Mr.  David. 

DAVID,    (looks  up  at  MARTIN)  (hands  him  letter) 
MARTIN,    (wistfully)    I  can  know  now  sir — 
DAVID.    Harold  Eeynolds — has  won  the  prize. 

CURTAIN 

(MARTIN   takes  his  hat,  crosses  noiselessly  to   en- 
trance L.,  exits  L.) 

(DAVID   bends   head   over  desk — writes — moonlight 
streams  in  on  him.) 

SLOW  CURTAIN 
(DAVID  still  at  desk,  fire  out — day  light  dawns) 

SECOND  CURTAIN 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  69 

ACT  IV 

(Exterior  of  AUNT  CLEMANTINA'S  house  in  the 
country,  a  rural  garden,  trout  pond  at  back — 
practical  rustic  bridge — from  which  runs  prac- 
tical path  up  stage  off  L.) 

CLEMANTINA.  (enters  from  house,  followed  by 
HAROLD,  dressed  very  swell  and  foppish,  in  city  at- 
tire, in  contrast  to  former  Bohemian  carelessness.) 
Are  you  really  off  to  the  city — Harold? 

HAROLD.  (R.)  I  take  the  seven  o'clock  express. 
I've  threatened  so  often,  this  time  I'm  going. 

CLEMANTINA.  (c.)  (looking  at  him  sharply) 
You've  had  another  tiff  with  Sally. 

HAROLD,  (hesitatingly)  We  are  not  the  best  of 
friends,  but  falling  out  is  a  habit  with  engaged 
people,  it  varies  the  monotony.  How  long  are  your 
other  boarders  going  to  stay? 

CLEMANTINA.  Miss  Harriet  goes  home  next  week. 
Helen  and  Gerald  want  to  stay  over  the  fall. 
They've  all  learnt — one  good  thing  this  summer — 
to  help  themselves. 

(SYLVIA  enter  slowly,  R.,  stops  on  bridge,  very 
quiet,  and  settled.  In  contrast  to  former  girl- 
ish gaiety,  long  dress,  and  an  attempt  to  ap- 
pear womanly  in  appearance.) 

CLEMANTINA.  (c.)  You  look  fagged  out,  Sally 
—  Where  have  you  been? 

SALLY.  (L.)  To  the  post  office.  A  letter  for 
you  from  Mr.  David  and  the  Eeview.  (gives  CLEM- 
ANTINA the  letter) 

HAROLD.  (R.)  May  I  see  that,  please —  (SYLVIA 
hands  him  paper — he  unfolds  it  and  reads  it) 

CLEMANTINA.     (opening  letter)    David's  weekly 


70  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

bulletin — I  know  it  by  heart — hopes  you  are  well. 
Sends  you  a  packet  of  books.  He  promises  to  pay 
you  a  visit,  when  he  gets  time,  (goes  up  to  porch, 
peels  apple) 

HAKOLD.  (down  c.)  (angrily,  throwing  down 
paper)  That  fellow  Savage  is  exploiting  himself 
again.  I  can't  understand  his  sudden  popularity. 

SYLVIA.    I  can — he  is  clever. 

HAROLD.     I  suppose  that  means — I  am  not. 

SYLVIA.  (L.)  You  were  before  you  wrote  a  prize 
story,  but  success  seemed  to  paralyze  your  energies. 
You've  done  nothing  well  since. 

HAROLD,  (coming  down  c.)  (loftily)  I  shall 
make  arrangements  with  some  large  house,  and  pub- 
lish my  own  stories  in  future. 

SYLVIA.    Is  that  because  nobody  will  take  them? 

HAROLD,     (angrily)     Sylvia!  ! 

SYLVIA.  I  don't  like  the  way  you  speak  of  your 
friend,  Mr.  Savage — when  you  won  the  prize,  he  con- 
gratulated you  in  a  most  gracious  manner — now  he's 
getting  along — you're  jealous  of  him. 

HAROLD,  (c.  angrily)  Sylvia ! —  I  won't  be  lec- 
tured like  a  school  boy — I — 

SYLVIA.  (L.  interrupting)  I  won't  flatter  you — 
Harold — I  will  tell  you  the  truth — I —  (SYLVIA 
goes  to  upper  end  of  porch.  HAROLD  goes  to  bridge) 

CLEMANTINA.  (R.)  There — There — children — 
don't  fight —  (they  turn  their  backs  on  each  other, 
as  GERALD  conies  c.  Old  farm  costume,  big  hat, 
rake  over  his  shoulder — sleeves  rolled  up.  Jolly, 
active  manner  in  contrast  to  former  languid  move- 
ments) 

GERALD,  (pushing  bacJc  hat  and  wiping  his  fore- 
head) (HAROLD  now  goes  up  R.  c.)  There,  Aunt 
Clemantina — your  hay's  all  in — you'll  find  I've 
made  a  pretty  good  job  of  it — for  an  amateur  farm- 
er, (down  to  tree  L.,  throws  water  over  his  head — 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  71 

washes  his  hands  at  pump)  Ah ! — this  is  fine —  (exit 
R.,  meets  SYLVIA  and  takes  towel,  SYLVIA  goes  to 
porch) 

HAHOLD.  (coming  down  R.  c.  to  GERALD)  I  must 
say — I  do  not  share  the  general  enthusiasm  in  re- 
gard to  country  life — 

CLEMANTINA.  (R.  on  porch,  seated)  Humph! — 
you  are  in  your  room — dressing  up  most  of  the  time. 
How  many  suits  of  clothes  have  you  got  in  that  big 
trunk  of  yours  ? 

HAROLD,  (c.)  Miss  Clemantina,  before  I  won  the 
prize,  I  owned  half  interest  in  two  dilapidated  suits 
of  clothes — now  I  have  the  exquisite  satisfaction  of 
possessing  twelve —  Have  a  cigar,  Holmes — choice 
Havana,  (go  to  SYLVIA) 

GERALD,  (who  has  pulled  down  his  sleeves  and 
made  himself  tidy)  (sits  upon  the  bench  L.)  No, 
thanks — I've  sworn  off. 

HAROLD.  Sylvia — I  wish  you'd  ask  Miss  Leices- 
ter to  give  you  some  hints  about  dress — You've 
been  getting  yourself  up  lately  in  a  most  old-fash- 
ioned manlier — she  always  looks  well —  (brushes  his 
boots  with  his  handkerchief,  and  strolls  off  R.  back 
of  house) 

GERALD.  Aunt  Clem — was  I  ever  such  a  fool  as 
that? 

CLEMANTINA.  (on  porch)  Not  quite —  (exit  in 
house  R.) 

GERALD,  (quietly  to  SYLVIA  who  sits  with  her 
head  down)  I  beg  your  pardon — I  quite  forgot — 

SYLVIA.  Oh!  you  didn't  hurt  my  feelings — 
The  prize  has  turned  Harold's  head.  He  imagines 
he's  thrown  himself  away  on  me,  when  an  heiress 
like  Miss  Leicester  could  be  had  for  the  asking.  I'm 
afraid  I  don't  care  for  Harold  as — I — I — should.  I 
keep  comparing  him  with  somebody  else — so  mod- 
est, so  quiet.  I  have  gone  out  of  his  life  now,  but 


72  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

he  hasn't  gone  out  of  mine.  Every  night,  after  I 
say  my  prayers,  there  are  always  two  names  on  my 
lips — "Father  and  Mr.  David."  (sit  on  bench  c.) 

GERALD,  (watching  her)  What's  this —  What's 
this — Ah — ha!  (to  c.)  (to  SYLVIA)  (sits  down  by 
her)  SYLVIA —  My  brother  David  loves  you,  not 
as  a  guardian  loves  his  ward,  but  as  a  man,  who  late 
in  years  loves  one  woman.  "The  only  woman  in  his 
simple,  lonely  life."  (SYLVIA  rises, — breathless) 
He  never  knew  it  himself — poor  old  chap — until  I 
found  it  out  for  him.  Of  course  you  didn't  care  for 
him.  (watching  her)  But  if  you  had,  what  a  ro- 
mance it  would  have  been  in  an  old  bachelor's  life — 
such  a  sweet  young  wife. 

SYLVIA.    Ah ! 

GERALD,  (mischievously)  Now  you  are  angry — 
(as  Miss  CLEMANTINA  enters  from  house  R.) 

SYLVIA.  Ah — Gerald —  (runs  to — throws  her 
arms  about  his  neck)  How  I  love  you —  (enter 
CLEMANTINA  R.) 

CLEMANTINA.  What!  (SYLVIA  rushes  past  her 
into  house  R.)  (exit  R.  u.  s.) 

GERALD,  (to  CLEMANTIXA)  (facing  L.  at  c.) 
David — dear  old  chap — He  won't  know  what  a  good 
turn  I've  done  him. 

CLEMANTIXA.  Gerald,  you  were  born  with  a  good 
heart,  I'm  sure,  but  that  city  life  dried  it  up.  ]STow 
you've  grown  really  handsome — 

GERALD.    And  hungry — 

CLEMAXTINA.  K"ow,  you'll  make  some  woman  a 
proper  sort  of  husband. 

GERALD.  Hush !  Don't  let  Harriet  hear  that.  I'll 
lose  my  bad  reputation. 

(Enter  HARRIET,  rosy  and  light-footed.    She  has  a 
basket  of  eggs  on  her  arm) 

HARRIET.     Ah !  Miss  Clemantina !     All  mv  nest 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  73 

eggs  are  hatched.  Oh,  how  my  heart  beat  when  the 
dear  little  things  poked  their  heads  out  of  their 
shells.  Wonderful — 

CLEMANTINA.  Humph!  As  if  chickens  aren't 
hatched  every  day ! 

GERALD.  Wonderful !  (steals  an  egg  out  of  HAR- 
RIET'S basket,  puts  a  pin  in  it  and  throwing  back 
his  head,  sucks  it  down  with  an  expression,  of 
delight) 

(Entrance  of  HELEN) 

HELEN,  (coming  on,  looking  off)  Lie  down — 
bad  cow,  lie  down,  or  you  won't  get  your  bran 
mash.  (Enter  HELEN,  with  milk  pail  and  three- 
legged  stool  in  her  hand.  She  is  dressed  in  cotton 
frock  and  white  fichu  open  at  the  neck)  (puts  down 
stool,  sits  on  it)  Oh,  it's  so  beautiful !  How  that  cow 
follows  me!  Those  pleading  eyes!  She  only  over- 
turned the  pail  once  this  time,  (hands  pail  to 
GERALD) 

GERALD,  (puts  it  to  his  mouth  and  drinks  it) 
Ah! 

CLEMANTINA.  And  how  many  times  did  she 
overturn  you? 

HELEN,  (modestly)  Oh,  I'm  getting  used  to 
that.  The  ground  is  soft  and  there's  nobody  around 
to  laugh  at  me.  (crosses  to) 

CLEMANTINA.     (taking   the  pail  from   GERALD'S 
mouth)    That'll  do!   (goes  to  balcony) 
(Enter  HAROLD  from  house) 

HELEN.  I  say,  Harold,  look  out  for  your  laurels ! 
Here's  another  poem  in  The  Review  by  Mr.  Savage. 
He's  rising  rapidly. 

(HAROLD  steps  R.    HARRIET  who  is  L.  of  HELEN, 

grabs  it) 

HARRIET,  (looking  over  her  shoulder)  (takes  the 
paper  from  HELEN.  HELEN  works  around  x.  L.  of 


74  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

HARRIET)  "To  Helen" — A  sonnet  by  L.  Savage. 
Set  to  music — with  guitar  accompaniment. 

(HELEN  snatches  the  paper  quickly  from  HARRIET, 
puts  it  behind  her  back.  GERALD  comes  down 
snatches  the  paper  quickly  from  HELEN — hold- 
ing at  arm's  length — reads) 

GERALD.  (L.  of  HELEN,  who  is  almost  c.)  (L.  by 
bench)  "Oh! — Oh!  midsummer's  dear  madness! 
"Oh!  Time  of  rapturous  gladness!  "With  heart  of 

mine — pressed  close  to  thine" (HELEN  reaches 

for  paper)  (GERALD  laughing — holding  paper  out 
of  her  reach — reads)  "With  clinging  arms  close 
interlaced —  "In  thrilling — maddening — wild  em- 
brace"— 

CLEMANTINA.  (R.  on  porch)  Stop!  I  declare, 
that's  indecent. 

HELEN,  (to  HARRIET)  (sound  of  guitar — outside 
L.)  Oh,  listen !  (as  SAVAGE  enters  c.  rather  fan- 
tastically dressed,  with  guitar,  singing,  SYLVIA  ap- 
pears on  porch) 

SAVAGE,  (down  c.)  Good  day  to  you  all.  I've 
been  singing  as  I  came,  from  sheer  joy  at  the 
thought — of  seeing  you —  (looks  at  HELEN  L.  ex- 
treme)   all  again,  (shakes  hands  with  GER- 
ALD and  HARRIET)  Harold,  old  fellow — 

HAROLD,  (sullenly)  (affecting  not  to  see  his  out- 
stretched arm)  How  are  you — Savage,  (goes  up  to 
bridge)  (during  this  scene  GERALD  works  around 
back  to  porch) 

SAVAGE,  (shrugs  his  shoulders  good-humor  edly) 
Miss  Clemantina,  I  have  news  for  you.  I  am  not 
alone.  Mr. — Holmes  is  with  me — 

SYLVIA.    (R.)    Mr.  David — 

SAVAGE,  (significantly}  He  has  had  a  miser- 
able time  of  it  since  Martin  fell  sick. 

CLEMANTINA.    (R.)    Martin  sick? 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  75 

SAVAGE.  Yes,  and  Mr.  Holmes  nursed  him  night 
and  day.  There's  not  another  man  in  the  world  like 
Mr.  Holmes — and  with  the  doctor's  help,  I  per- 
suaded him  to  bring  Martin  here — 

CLEMANTINA.  Martin  here? — Martin  here? — I 
must  go  and  get  a  room  ready  for  him.  (exit  into 
house  R.)  (SAVAGE  goes  L.  to  HELEN) 

SYLVIA,  (runs  to  GERALD  joyfully,  who  is  near 
porch)  (business)  0  Gerald!  (hugs  him — HAR- 
RIET recoils  and  enters  house  R.,  followed  by  GER- 
ALD— 05  SYLVIA  flies  off  toward  R.) 

HAROLD,  (comes  down  to  SAVAGE)  I  suppose  I 
ought  to  congratulate  you.  I  always  said  you'd  dig 
and  dig  until  you  struck  something — but,  there's 
one  thing  I  could  never  teach  you — good  taste. 
Since  you've  selected  your  own  clothes,  you  look 
fantastic. 

SAVAGE,  (good-humoredly)  Fantasy  is  my  strong 
point.  You  look  dead  level,  conventional.  Thaf  s 
your  strong  point —  (exit  HAROLD,  behind  home) 

HELEN,    (aside)   Ser^e  him  right 

SAVAGE,  (c.)  (turns  to  HELEN  L.)  It's  a  pleas- 
ure to  look  at  you — Mrs.  Le  Grand. 

HELEN.  (L.)  I  enjoy  everything.  I  shall  never 
be  a  fashionable  woman  again.  I  shall  commence  a 
crusade  at  once  against  wearing  stuffed  birds  in 
bonnets — cruel  to  kill  the  pretty,  singing  things.  I 
shall  never  be  idle.  I  think  I  shall  run  a  model 
farm,  or  some  other  model  institution. 

SAVAGE,  (bends  down — looks  at  her  scrutiniz- 
ingly — then  quickly  kisses  her)  I  couldn't  helo  it. 
It — it — it  seemed  so — 

HELEN.  Natural?  (he  puts  his  arm  about  her. 
As  they  go  off  L.  3  D.,  SYLVIA  comes  running  over 
the  bridge  R.) 

SYLVIA.  Miss  Clemantina,  Mr.  David  is  coming! 
(meets  GERALD  on  porch  and  bumps.  GERALD  and 


76  .A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

HARRIET,  after  looking  off  c.,   drop  down  behind 
bench  L.) 

(Enter  CLEMANTINA  after  this  business) 

CLEMANTINA.  (looking  off  c.)  And  there's  Mar- 
tin— followed  by  that  old — kangaroo — Mulberry. 

DAVID.  (DAVID  appears  coming  up  the  road,  sup- 
porting MARTIN  who  looks  done  up  and  sliaky,  fol- 
lowed by  MULBERRY  with  hand  bag,  etc.  They  come 
down  slowly,  DAVID  speaking  encouragingly  to  MAR- 
TIN) There,  now,  here  we  are.  Hold  up  your  head, 
man,  and  look  about  you. 

MARTIN.  I  can't,  Mr.  David.  I'll  never  hold  up 
my  head  again. 

DAVID.  Nonsense!  Cheer  up,  old  man.  Gently, 
now.  Gently,  down — there — now  you  can  rest. 
(puts  MARTIN  on  bench  L.,  his  head  dropped  on  his 
breast) 

CLEMANTINA.     (c.  R.)    Mr.  Holmes — 

DAVID,  (motions  her  away,  takes  MARTIN'S  hands 
anxiously — MULBERRY  jumping  about  nervously — 
opens  bag — extracts  medicine  bottle) 

MULBERRY,  (pours  drops  from  vial — gives  them 
to  MARTIN) 

DAVID,  (coming  towards  CLEMANTINA  at  c.)  Miss 
Clemantina,  despite  your  acrid  quality  of  tongue, 
your  heart  is  sound.  For  humanity's  sake,  will  you 
help  a  fellow-creature  back  to  life  and  health? 

CLEMANTINA.  (sharply)  Of  course  I  will.  There's 
no  need  to  ask  that,  Mr.  Holmes,  (crosses  to  MAR- 
TIN— MULBERRY  bows  low) 

DAVID,  (looks  at  them  wonderingly)  Where  did 
you  all  spring  from?  Oh!  I  had  quite  forgotten. 
Let  me  look  at  you — lad —  (puts  his  hands  on  GER- 
ALD'S shoulder — takes  him  in — )  Mother  Nature — 
seems  to  have  been  a  good  nurse — 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  77 

(Enter  HELEN  and  HARRIET) 

GERALD.  The  best  in  the  world — I'm  a  real  son 
of  the  soil —  (goes  up  to  R.) 

DAVID,  (puts  his  hand  under  HELEN'S  chin  who 
is  on  his  L.)  Nature  has  woke  up  the  heart  in  you 
— my  dear — I  can  see  that — and  cured  your  heart- 
ache. 

HARRIET,  (laughing)  And  I  never  lie  awake 
nights,  as  I  used  to — that's  because  I'm  tired  out 
from  running  all  day  long — 

(Both  go  up  to  GERALD  and  SAVAGE) 

CLEMANTINA.  (to  DAVID)  Mr.  Holmes — I  sup- 
pose— you'd  like  some  supper? 

DAVID,  (c.)  I  would — Miss  Clemantina — if  you 
would  send  me  a  bite  out  here.  The  rest  and  quiet 
would  be  a  boon. 

CLEMANTINA.  Come,  Martin — come,  you  poor 
soul — lean  on  me  (takes  lam  across  stage  to  R.) 

MULBERRY.  Any  fish  in  the  brook,  mum?  (com- 
ing down) 

CLEMANTINA.  Plenty — but  fishing  requires  pa- 
tience—  (exit) 

MULBERRY.    I've  learnt  that  lesson,  (x'ing  to  R.) 

DAVID,  (c.  coming  down)  Take  a  hand  at  it 
— after  supper — Mulberry — 

MULBERRY.  Thanks — I  don't  mind  if  I  do — 
(exits  into  house  R.) 

(All  off,  DAVID  alone) 

SYLVIA,  (enters  with  tray  R.  She  stands  on  bal- 
cony— DAVID  on  seeing  her — rises  from  his  seat — 
looks  at  her — then  in  a  simple  impressive  manner — 
slowly  lifts  his  hat  from  his  head  —  demurely) 
Good-evening — Mr.  David —  (comes  down — puts  the 
tray  on  table  in  front  of  him)  (DAVID  sits  looking 


78  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

at  SYLVIA)    You  must  be  hungry  after  your  jour- 
ney— 

DAVID,  (eyes  fixed  on  SYLVIA)  Yes — I'm  hun- 
gry- 

SYLVIA,  (pours  out  milk,  arranges  tray,  but  DAVID 
sits  watching  her  every  movement — after  a  pause 
DAVID  mechanically  takes  glass — drinks  milk — 
still  with  eyes  following  SYLVIA,  who  crosses 
to  flower-bed,  and  picks  a  rose  from  bush — 
hands  it  to  him,  he  takes  the  rose  and  SYL- 
VIA'S hand  at  the  same  time — keeping  it  as 
he  inhaled  the  rose) 

DAVID.  You've  changed  Sylvia —  You've  grown 
from  childhood  into  womanhood. 

SYLVIA.    Do  I  look  older? 

DAVID.     Yes — little  woman — 

SYLVIA,  (puts  her  head  down)  Oh!  I'm  so  glad 
(hangs  down  head — sits  beside  him  c.,  on  bench 
under  tree) — Look — one  grey  hair — don't  touch  it 
— it  means  age — 

DAVID.    One  only — and  I  have  so  many — 

SYLVIA.  Only  a  few  on  the  temples,  and  that's 
from  deep  thought. 

DAVID.  And  the  furrows  ploughed  in  on  the 
forehead — 

SYLVIA,  (laughing)  I  can  smooth  them  away  (rises, 
comes  round  behind  DAVID)  (she  passes  her  hands 
over  his  forehead)  See  they  are  all  gone — your  fore- 
head is  as  smooth  as  Harold's. 

DAVID,   (rises)   Harold!  (to  L.  as  CLEM,  enters  B.) 

CLEMANTINA.  Sylvia  —  child  —  your  supper  is 
getting  cold —  (off  porch  up  B.  c.) 

SYLVIA,  (c.)  I  don't  want  any  supper —  (CLEM. 
with  a  quick  motion  aside  to  SYLVIA  to  get  out) 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  79 

(SYLVIA  exits  R.  into  house.    DAVID  follows  her  to 
door,  stands  —  looks  after  her  —  lost  in.   thought) 

CLEMANTINA.  (nods  her  head  very  mysteriously, 
looks  around — DAVID  looking  over  his  shoulder  at 
her  in  a  mystified  manner — Miss  CLEM. — all  ex- 
citement— DAVID  all  ears)  Sylvia,  she's  a  changed 
gitt— 

DAVID.  (B.)  (in  a  whisper)  I've  noticed  it,  but 
for  the  better  I  think — her  long  frocks  and  hair 
tumbled  up —  (exit  to  L.) 

CLEMANTINA.  I  don't  mean  her  looks,  she's  got 
something  on  her  mind — Hush!  (as  MULBEBKY  en- 
ters with  a  rod) 

MULBERRY.  Would  you  like  to  join  me,  Mr. 
Holmes —  "The  saying  goes" —  Fishing  is  good 
around  sundown — in  the  gloaming —  "When  the 
sweethearts  saunter  down  tut  lanes" — then  the  fish 
begin  to  nibble,  (enter  HELEN  and  SAVAGE — pass 
over  bridge.  They  walk  slowly  together.  SAVAGE 
has  his  arm  around  HELEN — they  go  off  B.) 

DAVID.  (R.)  I  may  join  you — a  little  later. 
What  did  you  mean — by  something  on  her  mind? 

CLEMANTINA.  (L.  c.)  I  mean  there's  never  any 
kissing  on  the  sly  like  most  engaged  people — I've 
never  seen  any  kissing  at  all. 

(MULBERRY  exits  down  road  L.) 

DAVID  (his  smile  broadening)  Well — I'm  very 
glad — I  mean  very  sorry — we  must  look  into  this, 
Miss  Clemantina — 

CLEMANTINA.  SYLVIA  is  in  love  with  somebody, 
and  not  Harold.  Find  the  man! 

(HARRIET  and  GERALD  enter  with  SYLVIA  R.  from 
house,  behind  CLEM.) 

GERALD,    (on  the  R.,  aside  to  SYLVIA)    Be  a  brave 
girl — tell  David  you  don't  want  to  marry  Harold! 
SYLVIA.    Mr.  David —  (exit  to  D.) 


80  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

DAVID.    We  know — 
CLEMANTINA.    We  know — 
HARRIET.     We  know. 

GERALD,  (looks  at  SYLVIA  puzzled)  What  do 
they  know? 

(CLEMANTINA  exits  to  porch  of  house  R.)     . 

SYLVIA.  (to  HARRIET)  Oh,  about  Gerald  — 
(HARRIET  turns  away) 

DAVID.  (H.  c.)  Open  your  heart  to  me — my  boy 
— I  want  to  set  matters  right  for  you  if  I  can. 

GERALD.  (R.)  (manfully)  You  can  say  a  word 
in  my  behalf  to  the  woman  I  love.  (DAVID  puts 
his  hand  out  to  SYLVIA)  Brother  David — if  she  will 
judge  me  by  what  I  am — not  what  I  was — if  she 
will  help  me  to  make  something  out  of  my  life — 
Harriet — 

DAVID,    (c.  amazed)    Harriet! — 

SYLVIA.  Yes,  Mr.  David,  he  loves  her  with  all 
his  heart  and  soul — Harriet — say — say  it. 

DAVID,     (gladly)     Yes — Harriet — say — say  it. 

HARRIET,    (softly)   Gerald — 

GERALD,  (eagerly  grasping  her  hands)  Harriet! 
—  (SYLVIA  goes  off  softly  up  L.)  (GERALD  puts  his 
arm  around  HARRIET  and  they  cross  L.  together  over 
the  bridge,  exit  after  HELEN  and  SAVAGE) 

DAVID,  (c.)  (looking  over  his  glasses  humorous- 
ly) Miss  Clemantina — you  were  mistaken — you 
see. 

CLEMANTINA.  (R.)  Mr.  Holmes — I  still  insist — 
Sylvia  is  in  love — find  the  man —  (exits  home  R.) 

DAVID,  (make  a  move  up)  I  must  face  this  most 
disagreeable  duty — I  must — find  the  man  Sylvia 
loves. 

HAROLD,  (enters  from  house  B.)  I'm  off,  Mr. 
Holmes. 

DAVID,    (c.  fussing)    I'm  going  with  this  train — 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  81 

I  must  be  in  town  to-night —  (c.)  Harold,  what's 
wrong  between  you  and  Sylvia? 

HAROLD.  (R.  c.)  Oh,  nothing,  but  we  have  both 
decided  not  to  think  of  marriage  for  some  time.  To 
speak  candidly,  Mr.  Holmes,  a  young  man  is  a  fool 
to  hamper  himself  with  a  wife  at  the  beginning  of 
his  career — and  one  who  is  not  in  sympathy  with 
his  ambition —  Sylvia  cares  nothing  for  my  success 
—  (enter  SYLVIA  L.)  She  cares  nothing  for  me. 

SYLVIA  (L.  c.)  (agitatedly)  Mr.  David,  I  am 
only  a  field  mouse  born  for  a  quiet  corner.  Harold 
likes  glare  and  life  and  show,  we  would  never  be 
happy  together — I —  (extends  her  hand  piteously  to 
DAVID  who  takes  it — gazes  at  it  for  a  moment,  then 
draws  the  ring  from  her  finger  and  hands  it  to 
HAROLD.  Crosses  in 'front  of  DAVID.  SYLVIA  throws 
herself  down  on  bench  L.  face  in  han.ds) 

HAROLD.  (R.  c.)  (takes  ring,  looks  at  it  very 
much  agitated)  Everything  has  gone  against  me — > 
since — I  won  the  prize — ' 

DAVID,  (c)  (kin.dly  to  HAROLD)  Success  has 
been  too  much  for  you —  Go  back  to  town,  my  boy 
— work  it  off — work  it  off — work  it  off —  (HAROLD 
looks  at  SYLVIA,  L.  then  exits  on  road  towards  L., 
over  bridge  R.) 

SYLVIA.  (L.)  (raises  her  head  and  gives  a  long 
peal  of  laughter — jumps  up)  (bus.  then  demurely 
approaching  DAVID)  Mr.  David — I'm  too  old  for 
Harold.  His  character  is  not  yet  formed.  He 
doesn't  know  what  he  wants — 

DAVID,    (c.)    Do  you? 

SYLVIA.    (L.  c.)   (nodding  her  head)   Yes — 

DAVID.  (R.  c.)  A  few  friends — books  and  things 
— and  somebody  to  keep  house  for —  (fiercely)  Who 
is  the  somebody? — 

SYLVIA.  (L.  c.)  The  man  of  my  choice  and  when 
we're  married — rou  shall  come  and  live  with  me — 


82  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

DAVID,  (c.)  (quickly)  Nothing  could  induce 
me  to  do  that — Sylvia — 

SYLVIA.     Oh,  you'll  come. 

DAVID.    Are  you  quite  sure — this  time? 

SYLVIA.  Yes,  Mr.  David,  I  loved  this  man  ever 
since  I  was  seven  years  old.  Mr.  David — I'll — I'll 
tell  you  who  he  is — if  you  ask  me — 

DAVID.  Wait  a  minute.  Stop,  Sylvia,  stop — 
(fussing)  Miss  Clemantina — Miss  Clemantina — 

SYLVIA,  (in  despair)  Oh,  dear! —  Why  can't  he 
understand — 

CLEMANTINA.  (enters  from  house — leading  MAR- 
TIN— puts  him  in  arm  chair  on  balcony)  I'll  come 
in  a  moment.  I'm  busy  now. 

DAVID,  (fussing)  Helen.  Helen! —  (exit  on  a 
run) 

SYLVIA.  He'll  have  the  whole  neighborhood  here 
in  a  minute. 

HELEN,  (enters  excited,  followed  by  SAVAGE) 
Why,  David,  you  must  be  clean  out  of  your  mind. 
Harold  gone — and  Sylvia  in  love  with  some  one 
else? 

DAVID.  Yes,  some  country  playmate,  I  imagine. 
It's  one  of  the  farm  hands. 

CLEMANTINA.  (horrified  E.)  One  of  the  farm 
hands  ? 

DAVID,  (solemnly)  She  has  confessed  all.  (GER- 
ALD enters  with  HARRIET) 

SYLVIA,  (hysterically)  Oh! —  Mr.  David — what 
a  story,  (into  GERALD'S  arms)  Gerald — he's  the 
stupidest  man  in  the  whole  world. 

GERALD.    Let  me  tell  him. 

SYLVIA.     What! — before  all  these  people. 

HELEN.    (B.  c.)    Gerald — you  know. 

GERALD.  Yes—  (SYLVIA  exits  L.  over  bridge  R. 
on  a  run) 


A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE  83 

DAVID  (excitedly)  Gerald — is  he  worthy  of  her 
— is  he — 

GEKALD.  (L.  c.)  He's  a  good  man — and  she  loves 
him  with  all  her  simple,  faithful  little  heart.  But 
— unfortunately — he  is  blind — 

DAVID.  Blind!  (enter  MULBERRY — hide  behind 
pump) 

GEKALD.  (L.  c.)  He  can  see — but  he  won't — 
(significantly  at  DAVID)  David — if  he  keeps  her 
dancing  after  him  much  longer  he'll  lose  her. 

DAVID,  (c.)  (grabbing  GEKALD)  The  man  of  her 
choice — is — 

GERALD.    (L.  c.)   Yourself — 

DAVID,  (solemnly)  I  don't  believe  you —  (GER- 
ALD throws  up  his  hands  in,  comic  despair  and  goes 
to  HARRIET  L.) 

MULBERRY.  Mr.  Holmes  (at  pump)  wouldn't  it 
be  a  good  plan  to  go  and  ask  the  young  lady? 

DAVID,  (quickly)  A  very  good  plan — thank  you 
— Mulberry — I  think  I'll —  Where  is  she?  (makes 
a  dash  after  SYLVIA  L.,  on  a  run  over  the  bridge) 

MULBERRY.  Over  there  in  the  daisy-fields  saying 
— he  loves  me,  he  loves  me  not,  etc. 

CLEMANTINA.    Well,  who  would  have  thought  it. 

MARTIN.  (R.)  (to  CLEM.)  I  knew  it  all  the 
time — 

HELEN.  (R.  c.)  What  could  I  have  been  think- 
ing of — 

SAVAGE.    (R.  of  HELEN)    Of  me — 

MULBERRY,  (on,  bridge  L.)  "Here  they  are — 
they  are  coming. 

DAVID,  (comes  over  bridge  drawing  SYLVIA 
after  him — brings  her  to  center)  (SYLVIA  flies  to 
HELEN  who  embraces  her)  (in  a  dazed  condition) 
Miss  Clemantina — I — I  was  the  man — I  was  look- 
ing for —  (SYLVIA  embraces  Miss  CLEM.)  (DAVID 
grasps  GERALD'S  hands)  I —  (then  exit  to  MARTIN) 


84  A  BACHELOR'S  ROMANCE 

MARTIN,    (on  balcony)   Mr.  David — 

DAVID.  (grasps  his  hands,  then  looks  at  his 
watch)  I — I  must  be  in  town  to-night.  (SYLVIA 
exits  into  house  R.)  Good-bye-—  God  bless  you  all 
— I — I'm  a  happy  man — Sylvia!  (SYLVIA  rushes 
out,  hat  on  and  comes  to  R.  of  DAVID)  Where  are 
you  going? 

SYLVIA.    (R.  c.)    With  you. 

DAVID.  (L.  c.)  You  can't  go  with  me —  (SYL- 
VIA recoils  with  a  little  cry) 

GERALD.  (L.)  Don't  you  see  David —  (whispers 
to  him) 

DAVID,  (c.  to  SYLVIA)  I  have  so  much  to  do — 
and  I  won't  have  time  to  come  here  again — we 
might  just  as  well — I've  waited  all  my  life — It's  no 
use  waiting — I'll  stay  over  until — Sylvia  will  you 
go  home  with  me? 

SYLVIA,  (goes  to  his  arms)  (he  gathers  her  in 
his  arms.  Others  turn  their  backs.  Mr.  M.  pulls  in 
a  fish) 

CUKTAIN 


D^TE 


UC  SOUTHERN  REGIONAL  L  ^RY  FAJ.L ^ 

AA    001251992    2 


